Man Among Boys

I had an interesting situation this weekend.

I was spending time with the old lady, kicking back and watching TV.  Now she has an issue with my Blackberry.  Sometimes it goes off late at night.  It might be an email from my credit card company with a “friendly reminder” that a payment is coming due or from an old friend that lives out of state that just wants to say “hey”, some male, some female.  We’ve had conversations about this before about what are deemed to be “appropriate” call and text times….which frankly buggs the hell out of me.  I’m a grown assed man.  You don’t tell me when a friend can or can’t text me.

Anyway, this weekend, I just wasn’t in the mood to talk, so I decided to turn my Blackberry off.

“Why you turning your phone off?”

“I don’t feel like talking to anyone.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

This proceeded to turn into an argument about how I’m keeping her in a box because she really hasn’t met my friends and I’m shady for turning my phone off.

Honestly, she hasn’t met many people I know.  We have quite a few mutual friends we’ve known, but other than them, I don’t know many.  A woman will have hundreds of friends, ranging from people she might run into every ten years to old friends she’s known since the second grade.  A man as about 3, maybe 4 people he calls “friends”.  And if we haven’t talked within the last year, don’t try to hit me up on Facebook with a friend request.  You will get ignored without so much as an afterthought.

I’ve got 4, and none of them within what most consider a reasonable distance.  My closest friend lives a little over an hour or so away.  The others live out of state.  We’ve tried to make arrangements to get together but haven’t been able to coordinate schedules.  When I’m not with her or my son, I can be found at the gym or work.  I have a very uneventful life.

I was told I’m “shady” and it isn’t the first time I’ve heard that.  I’ve been accused of doing things I’m not.

There’s an old saying “If you keep knocking on the devil’s door, eventually, he’ll answer you.”  If you keep poking a dog with a stick, eventually, he’ll bit your ass.  If you keep accusing a man of cheating, eventually, he will (not saying I’m going to but you can only push someone so far).

A lot of times, people, particularly women (yes – I’m calling you out), look for things that aren’t there.  You think you have the 6th sense for cheating that lets you know if he is.  I’ve even heard of women checking their man’s pockets for numbers and underwear for “evidence.”  Then, they get surprised if he does cheat.  If he’s going to get accused of cheating and called a dog, he may as well go bury his bone.

If you’re going to accuse a man of playing games and cheating, at least have some evidence.  Don’t go on a hunch.  Don’t go off what your lonely assed girlfriends have to say.  If you have proof, fine.  Until then, stop looking for sh*t to argue about.  Life is hard enough without that.

So ladies, go ahead keep knocking on the devil’s door.  When you see your man inside with his feet up on the couch, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Feel free to comment.

If you give me two weeks, I can change your life, for better for for worse.  I’m not kidding and I’m not starting an advertising campaign for a cheesy infomercial. I’m talking about creating a habit.

It takes about two weeks to change a goal (something you want to do) create a habit (something you do subconsciously and without any effort).  Two weeks.  Two weeks of solid dedication, whether positive or negative.  You might be questioning “negative dedication”, but all you have to do is look at a smoker that is willing to brave -5 degree weather to rush outside on their break to puff a few drags off a Newport.  That’s dedication for your ass.

Adding or deleting certain things from your life can be tough, but it can all be done in time.  All it really takes it two weeks, and honestly, I don’t care what it is.  Can you put down a cigarette for two weeks to stop smoking?  Can you go to the gym for two weeks straight to lose weight?  Can you stop eating meat for two weeks straight to lower your cholesterol?  Can you tell your subordinates “thank you” for two weeks straight to show them you appreciate them?

Would you be willing to stick to something for two weeks if it could help you?

It’s the concept of “will power”.  It’s not something that can be taught or given.  You have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone for about two weeks until it become a habit.  Then it becomes something as natural as locking your front door when you leave the house.  It becomes second nature.

Here’s a few tips on how to build a habit:

Write It Down

Write down what you are going to do (i.e. – I’m going to go to the gym).  Write it down every day before you do that activity.  Put it up on your calendar and “X” out the day when you’re done.

If you use the Calendar in your PDA or Microsoft Office, that can be a great reminder to do it.

Keep It Consistent

Every day, at the same time, in the same way.  We’re trying to build a pattern and a process.  For at least those first two weeks, there should be no variation.  Do it exactly the same way over and over and over.  Repetition is the key here.

Use The Buddy System

Tell a friend about what you want to do and ask them to keep you honest.  A true friend would be more than willing to help you out.  Their job is to make sure you complete the two weeks without a missing a day.  Whenever they, talk to you, they should make sure to mention your goal.

Get Creative, Especially When It’s Tough

You may need to be inventive when it comes to keeping a habit on track.  For example, I wanted to start exercising before work at about 5am because I got re-railed during the day and didn’t get to go in the evening.  I got through the first few days fine, but then it got a little tough dragging my ass out of bed at 430 AM.

Soooo, I decided I couldn’t brush my teeth until after I got back from the gym.  Yep, I said it.

Now, I couldn’t go to work without brushing my teeth, so logically, I had to go to the gym before going to work.  It was tough and I didn’t talk to anyone at the gym, but in about two weeks, getting up at 430 AM was second nature to me.

The “Why”

You need to focus on the “why”, or the reason you want to move towards your goal. For me, working out (or as the “The Situation” would say, “workin’ on my fitness”) is a way to stay healthy and maintain my sexy.

(Note: Yes, I watched the Jersey Shore. I tried to fight it, but it was like watching a train wreck.  You hated to see the carnage, but you had to watch the crash.  For those of you that don’t like Man Among Boys, “if hatin’ if your occupation, I probably got a full time job for you.”  “The Situation” was the man.)

That’s my “why”.  It might not work for you and you shouldn’t be taking it from me anyway.  Your personal goals are your own and you need to find your own path to make it into a habit.

If you can man up for two weeks and dedicate yourself, you can make your goals a habit.  It will be a rough two weeks, but in the end, you’ll find it becomes second nature and you’ll be a step closer to making yourself a better person.

…like me.  You can catch me in the gym at 5 AM…workin’ on my fitness.

Feel free to comment.

I’m reading a book about called “Mojo: How To Get It, How To Keep It, How To Get It Back If You Lose It” by Marshall Goldsmith.  It’s a pretty good read.  It talks a lot about motivational fit and making sure the job or situation you have is one that you’re skilled for and that brings you personal satisfaction.

There’s also a very interesting quote in the book that deals with handling troubling situations.  There’s the manly way to do it, to meet it head on and “handle your business.”

Or there’s the Toyota way…

The quote is “You can’t diffuse a bomb once it’s gone off.”

Toyota had a chance to diffuse their bomb recently but instead chose to point the finger.  When multitudes of people are telling you that there’s a problem with your product, you can either address it or you can point the finger back and say it’s “user error” (hate that term).  Toyota did the latter, saying their customers imagined it.  Now the bomb has gone off and it’s too late.

From here on out, Toyota will always be met with skepticism.  They can put out the best cars in the world, but the public will always be leery.  They might not be able to recover from this in the court of public opinion.  Instead of handling their business, they wimped out, and now, they have a sh*tstorm on their hands.

This applies to you too.  As a man, handle your business, or you may never be able to regain the trust you’ve lost. It’s always better to get in front of something and try to diffuse it early than to hid and deal with it later.  Whether it be from a bill collector, a disappointed kid, or a spouse whose birthday you forgot, grow a set, man up and get in front of it…

…because once the bomb goes off, it’s too late.

Feel free to comment.

I was playing poker this weekend in a regional tournament (for those who qualified for the WPT Amateur Nationals, see you in Orlando!) and I thought I’d share an interesting observation.

Sometimes, a big pair beats whatever you might have in your hand.

I was at a table and seated with 7 other guys and a young woman we’ll call “J”.  “J” has to be in her mid-twenties and doesn’t seem to be the smartest tool in the shed, or at least that’s what I thought.  Her voice is annoying and her poker play was marginal at best.  She kept making a lot of dumb moves, betting where shouldn’t bet, and folding where she should have stayed in.  However, she has the attention of everyone at the table.

A pair of D-sized knockers exposed for the world to see will do that.

She’s just an OK player, and she knows that.   But she used what she had to her advantage.  The men at the table were focused on her chest instead of on their cards…and in no time, she became the chip leader at the table.  I didn’t even notice it until one of other guys at the table said, half-jokingly, “Man, I’m trying to play seriously, but all I can do is stare at her tits.”

That’s when I knew she was a better “player” than I thought.  And that’s also where a lot of men make a huge mistake.  Fellas, we need to stop being shallow and underestimating women when they step into a “man’s world.”  We see a big ass or a large rack and start salivating, thinking they’re just a Baywatch babe to get suckered in.  A lot of the times, they’re playing you.

Think back to biblical times.  Sampson was the strongest man in the world.  He was given tremendous strength by God to defeat his foes and perform heroic feats.  Sampson wrestled a lion and slayed an entire army with only the jawbone of an ass.  Then along came Delilah with her “thingies” hanging out.  Game, set, match…

You probably know of some personal examples of how a woman use what her mama gave her to get over.  And it’s very likely that it happened to YOU at one time or another.

Be on your guard.  I’m not saying to ignore the curves of a voluptuous woman; hell, I’m looking right along with you.  What I am saying is to stay focused though…or you might lose more than a chip stack at a poker game.

Feel free to comment.

I was enjoying my morning workout at the hotel I was staying at and watching a CNN news piece to make the time go by on my cross trainer.  They had a very interesting story that marries two of my favorite subjects: technology and relationships.

They conducted a survey of over 2000 people and over 47% said they’d ended a relationship (“broke up” as we used to say back in the day) with someone through electronic media.  Email, changing their Facebook status…some even used Twitter.  Can you imaging a Tweet going out about you getting dumped for all of your friends to read?

What kind of punk sh*t is that?  Not only is that unmanly, it might get you shot.

Grow a backbone.  We all have relationships that end.  It happens to the best of us.  The way that we handle it may determine if you will still be friends, or even “friends with benefits” if you handle your business right.

Call her and tell her you need to talk with her.  I wouldn’t recommend a public place because you never know how she might react and then you’ll both look like fools if she shows her ass in a crowded restaurant.  Meet her at her place so you have the option to leave quickly if you need to.  You might even want to keep your car running outside.

Follow a few simple rules and you’ll get through this:

Rehearse

It’s a good idea to rehearse exactly what you’re going to say so you don’t fumble through things.  The worst thing you can do is to leave gaps for her to interrupt and try to sneak a few things in there.

Be direct

Pussy-footin’ around the issue won’t make things better.  If you leave her an out, she’ll take it as you still wanting to be with her and that you still have a chance to make things work.  Let her know that you don’t want the relationship anymore and that you should go your separate ways.

Don’t get emotional

Emotions can be an out for her to think things still have a chance.  Don’t hold her hand while you tell her or sit too close. That goodbye kiss is out.  Treat it like a business meeting; keep to the agenda and keep it brief.  I don’t want to say to be cold, but if you have to be cold to be honest, go that route.  The slightest sign of weakness can turn a break-up into a cry fest.

Avoid the word “but”

Read this sentence:  I really don’t think we are going to work, but I enjoyed the time we had together.  What did you take away from that?  Probably that I’m enjoying the time with you.  The words “but” and “however” are what I call a “message killers.”  Everything said before them is negated and forgotten about.

You can’t tell a woman “I think you look like Halle Berry, but that dress doesn’t work for your figure.”  In her eyes, you just said she needs to change, or worse, called her fat (we’ve all done and regretted that, fellas).  Avoid “message killers” as much as possible.

The Other Woman

I don’t know how some of your simple asses keep falling for this one.

If you are leaving her for someone else, leave that sh*t out!  It is not her business to know why you’re leaving and you don’t want it to be.  I don’t care what she says to you or if she keeps telling you that it’s ok to tell her the truth.  Hell no.  Your dumb ass will catch a right hook so fast you won’t see it coming.  She will curse you for the rest of your life and do whatever she can out of spite to make life miserable.  Trust me on this.

Just do what I tell you and you’ll get through this unscathed.  If you choose not to listen, that’s fine…just watch for the hook.

Feel free to comment.

I was watching a Bob Costas interview on NBC this past Sunday with Winter Olympics medalist Apollo Ohno.  He was talking about how he’d persevered through another grueling games and how he was proud to represent the United States.

I also heard some really unmanly sh*t too.  Costas was talking about how Ohno had lost out on a couple of chances at gold medals and showed some highlights to review. Ohno had an excuse for just about every case.

In one clip, a German skater placed his hand on Ohno’s leg as he came around the bend towards the stretch run. Barely touched him really.  Ohno excuse was that he didn’t do anything wrong and that the German shoved him out of the way.  In another case, two Korean skaters cut in front of Ohno around the bend on the stretch run.  Ohno again said that he didn’t do anything wrong and that the Korean skaters cutting in front of him was the reason he lost out on the gold.

I wish I’d had a chance to interview Ohno instead of Costas. You can probably guess my interview would have gone a little differently.

• TrueMan:  Apollo, in this race, it seems that you were edged out for the gold.  Tell us what happened here?
• Apollo Ohno: blah blah blah..German skater shoved me down…blah blah blah…it wasn’t my fault I didn’t win the gold.
• TrueMan:  Uh…thanks, Apollo.  Let’s look at this one. Here, it seemed like you got edged out again.
• Apollo Ohno: blah blah blah..Koreans cut me off…blah blah blah…it wasn’t my fault I didn’t win the gold.
• Trueman:  Uh…thanks, Apollo.  By the way…you know you’re acting like a little b*tch right now, right?

A man doesn’t make excuses.  He takes his losses in stride and moves forward to bigger and better things. Did you hear Dan Marino making excuses about him not winning a Superbowl with the Dolphins? Did you hear Cleveland’s Craig Ehlo complain in the ‘89 playoffs when Jordan faked him out and bust a jumper in his face to move on in the first round?  No. They congratulated the winning team and kept it moving.

Apollo Ohno might be a decorated Winter Olympics athlete, but he needs to learn to man up.  Stop cryin’ like a little b*tch.  You don’t make excuses for why you win, so don’t make them for why you lose.  Maybe if you were in front of the other competitors you wouldn’t have those things happen to you.

Apollo, you need to man up.  And take that gotdamn mascara off.  Don’t know what the hell is wrong with you.

Feel free to comment.

So you the smarty art n***a, you the smarty art n***a, but can answer me this, answer me this…can ya kick MY ass??? – Chris Rock, “Never Scared”

If you believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution you believe that life developed  from non-life and stresses a purely naturalistic descent with modification.   Basically, complexed life evolves from more simplistic ancestors naturally over time.   Random genetic mutations occur within an organism’s genetic code, the beneficial mutations are preserved because they aid survival and  mutations are passed on to the next generation.

My question is, “have we really evolved?”

(Note: I’m not here to argue science v religion, even though I could.  When I speak of evolution I’m referring to our advancement as a society.  Don’t preach to me with a bible or try to prove life through the periodic table.  I’m not in the mood for it)

I know we claim to be a more advanced society with our advanced degrees, soy mocha lattes, MP3 players, and hybrid cars…but is that all a cover?

Take Mike Tyson for example.  It’s obvious Mensa won’t be calling him anytime soon, but we loved him.  Adored him.  Put him on a pedestal.  Why?  Because as evidenced by the video below, he could rip someone’s head off.

Mixed martial arts, which former Republican presidential candidate John McCain dubbed “human cockfighting” is probably the fastest rising and highest rated sport today.  It’s an art, but it’s also blood and guts.  Fists and feet fly.  The aim is to beat your opponent into submission…and I love it.

When people cut of off on the freeway, we curse them out and flip them “the bird.”   Rational, logical are often reduced to raving lunatics.  Communication is often replaced with screaming matches.  It really makes you question things.

Are we the advanced society we think we are?

I’ll let you know in a few.  I’m watching UFC Ultimate Knockouts right now…

Feel free to comment.

I’ve made no secret about the past few years for me.  They’ve been rough.  Very rough.  I’ve been on the brink of self-destruction and begun to rise from the ashes.  I’ve been kicked while I’m down.  I’ve had good time and bad times.  I’ve found out that some of the friends (and even family) I had really ain’t sh*t.

So I’m moving on.  Actually I’m moving south.  No, not Maryland south.  Not Atlanta south.  Not Miami south.

Ever been to Costa Rica?

I was offered an opportunity in Costa Rica and I’ve decided to take it.  It’s about an 18 month commitment but it can be permanent if I choose after that time.  Maybe it’s the change I need to get back on track (don’t worry, Man Among Boys will still be coming at you full force).  I’m moving on, but I’m not leaving the important things behind.

Being a man means you don’t cut and run.  You can move on but you don’t leave behind what’s important to you.  Namely, my son.

I wish I could take him with me, but he has a life here.  Him being a part of my life is a necessity, like food and water. I’ve negotiated that I can come back at least once a month to see him or he can come up to see me.  I want to make sure I’m a part of his life and that he knows I still want to be.

I’ll make sure his computer equipped with Skype and a webcam so we can see each other and talk every.  I’ll also make sure that I install Mikogo (free web conferencing service) so if he has trouble with his math homework that I can go over it with him.

I’m leaving the traffic behind.  I’m leaving the cold weather and harsh winters behind.

My son…not a chance.

If any of you weekend were probably out at the last minute buying fresh roses and candy and stuffed animals of all sorts for your wife/girlfriend/side piece/jumpoff to help bring in a fake holiday.

I call it the Valentines’ Day Trap.  Fellas, don’t fall into it.

Society has trapped us into thinking that we will need to a special day to recognize how much we love our significant other.  I call bullsh*t on that one.  It’s a bullsh*t holiday.

Women look forward to Valentines Day every year, looking pitiful and tired as they look forward for the plans they will make with their man to go to dinner and dancing.  They’ll get dressed up and ready to go out as if the government is going to ban salsa dancing on February 15.

Valentines’ Day is a superficial holiday designed to suck the life and money out of a man.  So to counteract this, I have a recommendation for you fellas (and ladies too):

Make every other day more special.

This isn’t a cop out or a soft post designed for the ladies; I don’t do soft.  I’m not taking their side. Remember, I ride for the fellas, and I’m just trying to help you keep a happy home.  A man has to realize that in order to keep a happy relationship, he can’t just wait for the holidays and stock up on chocolates.  A simple “thank you” note for picking up your dry cleaning on the way home or sending flowers to her office for no particular reason will do wonders.

I’m no relationship expert (as I’ve said before, I’ve been divorced), but I know enough that if you have a good woman to appreciate her.  I’ve always given you the real fellas, so you know if it’s coming from these lips, you might want to consider it.

You don’t want to be that guy who waits until it’s too late to find out that he’s had a good thing all along.

Just something to think about fellas.  Feel free to comment.

I was on another blog called BeastDome and came across an interesting post about Carmen Ortega.  Apparently, she is Reggie Bush’s side piece.  Now, I’m tired of telling you guys how to manage side pieces, but this is at a whole new level, and I have to address it.

As I’ve said before, if you want to embarrass yourself, that’s fine.   But when you embarrass me and you f*ck it up for everyone else, then, as the representative of men everywhere, I have to step in and check ya ass.

Check out this clip that was on the BeastDome blog:

Carmen Ortega At Reggie Bush\’s House

(Note:  I’m not greedy. I got the idea from this from another blog and expanded on it.  For all you other bloggers, give credit where it’s due.  I’ve seen a few of my ideas on other blogs, but I’ll stay quiet.  Real recognize real.  Fake will sink to the bottom.)

I have a few issues with this:

Why is this b*tch in the house when you aren’t home?

If you didn’t learn the lesson from part one of my series, Something On The Side, you should already know that a side chick should not be in the house while you aren’t there.  She should not have a key.  I can’ t imagine Bush would be dumb enough to allow this chick in his house with a camera to document her giving a tour, so he probably wasn’t home and it doesn’t look like she broke in.

If you are not there, a side piece should not be.  No exceptions.  End of story.

Watch the kind of girls you make sidepieces

Reggie Bush obviously did not read my blog the Side Piece Rules Of Engagement .  Ortega looks just like Kim Kardashian.  If that’s what you want man, why not just stick with Kim?  Again, girls that have the same look and same tastes are likely to run in the same circles.

And while she was overlooking the porch did you hear her comment “This is living the life” and the look on her face.  This is a thirsty b*tch that is looking to move up into the number one spot so she can shine.  This side piece does not know her place.

Good side piece management dictates that you clearly define her role.  Ortega clearly does not know hers.  She at best will be number 2 (if there are 3, 4, 5, that should not be her concern or her business.  You should not look to be Lionel Richie and try to marry the side piece (I still remember the ass whuppin his wife gave him when she found out she was cheating. LOL).

If she is not comfortable with that, kick her to the curb. Quickly.  There is nothing but trouble ahead.

Side Piece Promotion: Upgrade Required

If you are stupid enough to promote a side piece to the number one spot, she should be an upgrade.  Kim Kardashian is not only fine as all hell, but the income comes in with her shows and other things she has.  Also, she’s a very freaky girl as Rick James would say (heard rumors of a Reggie Bush/Kardashian Superbowl sex tape???).

I’ve never really seen Ortega before this other than a few magazine covers.

(Note: A VERY BAD IDEA.  If you try to promote a side piece, you’ll have unnecessary trouble and drama throughout the entire relationship because she won’t trust you and she’ll remember how she got you.  She’ll always look over her shoulder for the next side piece and you will pay the price for her treachery.)

Kim Kardashian has more going for her.  This side piece affair has gone public and Bush would be taking a loss.   Bad move.

Reggie, you’re messing up a good thing because of bad side piece management. Feel free to email me at any time at manamongboys@live.com and I’ll arrange a session for you to refine your management skills.  Your moves to this point are definitely not TrueMan approved.

Feel free to comment.