“Then Again, I Always Been Lucky When It Comes To Killin’ Folk”
I just finished watching “Unforgiven” on AMC; it’s one of my all-time favorite movies along with “A Soldier’s Story” and “The Five Deadly Venoms” (shout out to all my old school Channel 5 Kung Fu Theater heads out there).
“Unforgiven” is a 1992 western starring and directed by Clint Eastwood,who plays the lead character, William Munny. Munny is a man who tried to change his life of crime but is drawn back to what he is. He , his best friend and fellow reformed outlaw Ned (played by Morgan Freeman), and a young gun called “The Schofield Kid” (Jaimz Woolvett), seek to collect a bounty placed on two men who cut up a town whore. During the search, Ned is killed by sheriff Lil’ Bill (Gene Hackman) and Munny realizes that he has to be who he is, an outlaw without conscience and killer of women and children. The climax of the movie is the final confrontation between Munny and Lil’ Bill and his band of deputies. Munny kills them all and rides off into the dark rainy night.
“You better bury Ned right, and you better not cut or otherwise harm no whores. Or I’ll come back and kill all you sons of b*tches.”
That got me to thinking…when we say that we’ve changed, are we just lying to ourselves? Do we ever really change or are we what we are and is all that “change” just fancy window dressing?
I know that we change. We grow physically, become more educated, and even (supposedly) mature with age. But does that change who we are? We go through trials and tribulations and are molded by experience, but do we really change at our core?
William Munny thought he changed. He married and had two children. He and his family took to farm life, raising crops. They lived in peace. But Munny really wasn’t good at farm life; it really wasn’t what he wanted, even though he tried to embrace the change After his wife died and he was left to raise his children on his own, it got even harder. Eventually, he went back to what he was good at, “killin’ folk”, as he put it. In the end, he was what he was, even if that was a ruthless killer with an evil disposition.
Sometimes, I hear people talk about how relationships, having a good man or woman in your life, will foster change, or that if you “find God”, that will add something that will bring the best out in you…
(Note: I always shake my head when people say they “found God.” That is something people said to puff up their pride and feel good about themselves. You don’t “find God”. God was never lost, you were; God finds you when he thinks you’re ready to accept him. I always wondered about that. Anyway, back to the topic at hand.)
I disagree with that. I think that we all have a core set of values, beliefs, and even mannerisms that define who we are. Those don’t really change, and I don’t think any relationship or experience will change that. Think back to all the times y0u promised yourself you’d change something. Did you always follow through? Is it so hard to accept who we are?
I’m not trying to imply that change isn’t good. If you’re an absentee or a bad father, dammit, do right by your kids and become a better one. But what do you do if it’s just not in you? How do you go against who you are, the fabric of your being, and become something you weren’t meant to be?
How do you accept who you are, even if that isn’t who you want to be? I don’t think William Munny wanted to be a ruthless killer, or else he wouldn’t have tried to change…but in the end, that’s who he was.
Can you accept who you are, even if it’s not who you want to be? And be honest with yourself? Do you think we can change who we are at our core? Feel free to comment.
