Man Among Boys

This post has 658 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 34 secondes for reading it.

“You’ll never get to be a man unless you get to see a man” – D.L. Hughley from his stand up performance, “Goin’ Home”

You all know by now I love sports.  Love sports.  I think they not only contribute to society, but can reveal a lot about a man’s character.  But sometimes you have to call someone out who just isn’t doing right.

Adam “Pacman” Jones, bring ya punk ass down.  I didn’t put this in the “Just Not Manly” category because of how I hope this works out.

Even if you don’t follow football, you’ve probably heard of him.  He’s had his share of troubles with the law and in general seems to be an asshole.  He’s a young man at 26, but old enough to know better. “Pacman” Jones has been in trouble with the law no less than five times, and from first hand accounts from people I’ve talked with that know and went to college with him, you should multiply that by 10 for the times he should have been.  He was suspended by the NFL and dropped from several teams, most recently the Dallas Cowboys after what seemed to be multiple opportunities to “do right.”  He just seems like a bad seed.

But I can’t put it all on him though.  I started this post with the quote by D.L. Hughley because it’s something I believe.  Jones’ father was murdered when he was 4 and he was raised by his grandmother and him mother, who I have no doubt tried to instill the best qualities they could in him.  It’s not that women don’t try or aren’t put in bad situations.  They do the best they can, but if a man isn’t a young boy’s life, whether it be an uncle, big brother, or a sports’ coach, he’s going to miss a lot.

Now couple that with the fact that he was a star football player (first team All Big East and honorable All American at West Virginia, 6th overall selection in the 2005 NFL draft) and you can guess he probably didn’t hear the word “no” too often.  His misbehavin’ was overlooked because he could intercept passes and score touchdowns.

What he needs is some tough love before it’s too late…and he just might get it.

It’s been reported by ESPN that the San Francisco 49ers are interested in signing Adam Jones. That means he’ll be playing under Hall of Fame Chicago Bears middle linebacker and current 49ers head coach Mike Singletary.    Mike “Samurai” Singletary.  If Jones never got to see a man before, he will now.  I honestly hope the 49ers do sign Jones, and for more than his football prowess.

Singletary is old school.  I mean old school.  He’s known for his hard nosed, take-no-sh*t attitude. When his best offensive player, tight end Vernon Davis, wanted to showboat and cost the team a penalty, he not only sent Davis to the bench, but threw him off the field and sent him to the showers.  Singletary’s philosophy is that no one, not even himself, is above the team and no one will derail what they are trying to accomplish.

It will be love under new management for Jones.  Tough love.  No nonsense love.  Mess-up-and-I’ll-kick-your-ass-all-over-the-field love.

Jones needs that.  A lot of other kids need that too.  They need a man in there lives.  If I could give any advice to Jones, it would be to listen to what Coach Singletary has to say, if just for self preservation. He’s not going to coddle you.  He can help finally make you into a man.

If things work out for Jones, he’ll see a man on the sidelines every day with a headset on directing plays, starting at training camp. Good luck, Pacman.

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 362 words. It will take approximately 3 minutes, 37 secondes for reading it.

If any of you weekend were probably out at the last minute buying fresh roses and candy and stuffed animals of all sorts for your wife/girlfriend/side piece/jumpoff to help bring in a fake holiday.

I call it the Valentines’ Day Trap.  Fellas, don’t fall into it.

Society has trapped us into thinking that we will need to a special day to recognize how much we love our significant other.  I call bullsh*t on that one.  It’s a bullsh*t holiday.

Women look forward to Valentines Day every year, looking pitiful and tired as they look forward for the plans they will make with their man to go to dinner and dancing.  They’ll get dressed up and ready to go out as if the government is going to ban salsa dancing on February 15.

Valentines’ Day is a superficial holiday designed to suck the life and money out of a man.  So to counteract this, I have a recommendation for you fellas (and ladies too):

Make every other day more special.

This isn’t a cop out or a soft post designed for the ladies; I don’t do soft.  I’m not taking their side. Remember, I ride for the fellas, and I’m just trying to help you keep a happy home.  A man has to realize that in order to keep a happy relationship, he can’t just wait for the holidays and stock up on chocolates.  A simple “thank you” note for picking up your dry cleaning on the way home or sending flowers to her office for no particular reason will do wonders.

I’m no relationship expert (as I’ve said before, I’ve been divorced), but I know enough that if you have a good woman to appreciate her.  I’ve always given you the real fellas, so you know if it’s coming from these lips, you might want to consider it.

You don’t want to be that guy who waits until it’s too late to find out that he’s had a good thing all along.

Just something to think about fellas.  Feel free to comment.

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This post has 497 words. It will take approximately 4 minutes, 58 secondes for reading it.

Nobody likes to lose.  Thanks just how we were brought up.  To win.  To do our best…and if we do our best, we can call ourselves the victor and hoist the trophy high above our heads.

That isn’t always a good thing.

I remember reading an article in the December 14 edition of ESPN The Magazine by Jay Bilas (not usually a fan of his, but it make for good reading while in the sauna).  He was talking about the value of playing in early tournaments in college basketball, and made some very good points.  In those early tournaments, teams usually play out very good, out-of-conference teams instead of their usual in-conference cupcakes. A lot of times they’re in a tough matchup or even lose, but there can be some value in that.

In the article, Bilas quotes Michigan State coach Tom Izzo as saying “You’re fooling yourself if you think you can be ready without playing the best teams early.  But you can’t be fooled when you’re getting your butt kicked in a fistfight. You need that fistfight to get better, to evaluate your team and yourself.”

That got me to thinking about how we can apply that in life. A man shouldn’t be afraid to test himself against a tough challenge, whether that be interviewing for a new position or trying to step out on your own.  Whether you fail or succeed, you’ll learn a lot about yourself that you can build on.

Taking a loss will let you know what you have to work on.  It could expose the slightest detail that you’re lacking.  You might be good at initiating contact, but suck at “closing the deal.” You might be able to develop new ideas, but your ability to present them to the powers-that-be might be lacking.  Develop these and that will make you stronger.

However, if you take a greater challenge and succeed, that’s a great confidence boost and confirms that you’re ready to move on to bigger and better things.  Dunking on your 5 year old little brother says that you have a twisted view of family time.  Dunking on Lebron James says that you might be ready to don an NBA uniform yourself.

But the key to all of this is that…you can’t be scared to take an ass whuppin.  You can’t be scared to take a greater challenge because you might fail.  You can’t think about the fact that you might fail.  It you take the greater challenge, you just might surprise yourself.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest player of all time

I think that says it all.  Feel free to comment.

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This post has 625 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 15 secondes for reading it.

Part of being a man is admitting your fears and getting them out.  This post is as much for me as it is for you to read; call it a cleansing of the soul or facing my fears or whatever shi*t you want to call it.  It’s just something I have to get off my chest.

There’s a monster in my closet that I’m afraid of.  I’m scared to death of it.  It nearly killed me the last time; I barely got away.  I remember sitting in my living room with my head in my hands, wonder how I was going to go on…or even if I should.

Those who know me, who know the real me, know that the last few years have been really rough emotionally.  My life was turned upside down (you know there was a woman involved) and I got hit from the blind side.  Fifteen years…gone in an instant.

When it first happened, I went through a really deep depression.  I didn’t want to go out or see anyone.  My best friend was the bottle of vodka I’d nurse until I fell asleep.  I was fully functional to those who didn’t know; I was promoted twice at work and received several accolades.  But once I got home and closed the door, I was alone, and the monster would come out of the closet.

The monster was me.  A depressed, unmotivated, self-destructive me.  A me I didn’t recognize when I looked in the mirror. This monster looked timid and afraid.  I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t recognize me.

There would be days I wouldn’t shave, get dressed, or even bathe.  I didn’t care if I ate or slept.  I’d just stay in bed.  Days seemed passed without me even knowing sometimes.  I’d was a walking corpse; I was dead inside.

There were times when death seemed a reprieve.   I was dead anyway; I just happened to be breathing.

I’m telling you this because the monster nearly came out of the closet again.  It wasn’t because of a woman; it was just because of life.  Things are a little tough right now.  Stress is building and my motivation was sloping.  For the past few days, I hadn’t gone to the gym (those that know me are probably shocked; I’m a ritual 6 day per week guy).  I’d look at the phone and just let it ring; I didn’t want to talk to anyone.  This feeling seemed too familiar; the monster was coming out again..

Am I crazy?  A lil’ bit.

But something happened today.  I woke up early, 6 AM. I laid in bed with my eyes opened.  I rubbed my overgrown facial hair.  I looked around my messy room; clothes and papers were everywhere. But something changed today.

I told myself, “Get up.”  And I did.  The monster wasn’t going to get me.  Not this time.

I cleaned up my bedroom, changed into my workout clothes, and headed for the gym.  I showered and shaved.  I felt like a brand new man.  I went to a casino and played a poker tournament.  My pocket Kings got cracked by a set of 3′s.  I laughed it off.  I didn’t make the final table, but it didn’t matter.  I was just having fun.  I did some Christmas shopping.  I called an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in a year.  I wrote a few blogs you’ll see here in the future.  I started reading a book.

In short…I decided to live.

The monster’s not going to get me.  Not this time.

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 518 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 10 secondes for reading it.

I have witnessed the castration of a man in film.  It was horrible.

I almost feel sorry for Gerald Butler. He has gone from the manliest of men to a cowering wimp in the span of two films.

In the movie “300″, Butler started as the mighty King Leonidas of Sparta, a courageous leader and fearless warrior. He was the gold standard of what a man should be and yielded ground to no one.  When the Persian messenger threatened his country and mouthed off to his queen, he kindly let the messenger know how he felt about it by putting his foot up his ass and kicking him into a bottomless pit.  That was some real man sh*t.  Made me want to get my spear out of my closet and tag along.

Now, I’m not here to debate the historical accuracy of the film or how you feel about the courageous, light Spartans being pitted against the dark, evil Persians.  I’m just saying Leonidas was a bad muthaf*cka, and he wasn’t taking too much sh*t from anybody.

Fast forward to a film called “The Ugly Truth”, where Butler co-starred with Katherine Heigl as Mike Chadway, a public access TV host with a unique perspective on relationship.  At first, Chadway was on some manly stuff from his to-the-point insight to strippers in jello, but in the end, the turned into a little b*tch, confessing his love for Heigl’s character on some “happy ever after” bullsh*t.

(Some of the men reading this may be asking yourselves, “TrueMan, what the hell are you doing seeing ‘The Ugly Truth’?”  Fair question.  Let’s just say I was with a female acquaintance who wanted me to see it and she can be very…convincing.  Don’t act like I’m the only one that’s ever done that.)

Leonidas and Mike Chadway are the polar opposites of manliness in Hollywood.  I’m on Leonidas’ team.

Leonidas isn’t a cro-magnon, dragging wife by the hair and ordering her around. Quite the opposite.  He listens to his wife and takes her feelings and opinions into account, but he is the king and takes charge as he needs to.  Leonidas always makes sure his queen feels valued, but when it’s time to make a decision, he steps up the plate, mans up, and does what needs to be done.

Mike Chadway is a little punk ass who caves in at the end and lets himself get pushed around by Heigl until he breaks. Sad.

I’m not saying a man should be stone-faced or that he should never listen to his lady.  What I am saying is that a man should have a backbone and be a man.  If Leonidas met Mike Chadway in the street, he’d put his foot up his ass.

Hollywood, personally, I’d like to see more Leonidas-es than Chadways.  Give us better examples of what a man can be.  Save Chadway for Oprah when she does specials about “Men Who Lack Testicular Fortitude.”

THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 1034 words. It will take approximately 10 minutes, 20 secondes for reading it.

Hello, everyone.  I’m back.  This time I’m focusing on fashion, because you guys need some help. Trust me on this. I took a break last night and went out to the casino for a quick Hold ‘Em tournament.  Sitting across the table from me was a man who had on a baseball cap with a wave cap on, a throwback jersey, and his jeans sagging so low you could see his boxers.  The problem is he had to be at least 40.

You have to realize that life is not a rap video.  You can’t sag your jeans all the time.  You can’t wear a 6X white t-shirt when you’re only 5’8″ and expect to be taken seriously.  And no matter how many times you’ve seen it, Air Jordans do not go with dress pants.

Have you ever seen the movie “Hitman”? Agent 47 (played by Timothy Olyphant) was a smooth cat, dressed to the nines.  If a man who makes his living shooting at people and throwing them in the trunk of his car knows the value of a suit and tie, you can at least have one in your closet.

About 6 years ago, I was working for a fortune 500 company in the Philadelphia area.  There were very few minorities in management positions, so we were a pretty close-knit bunch.  We tried to mentor some, as many people as we could, but some guys are just hard-headed.

I remember this guy named “D”.  “D” was a pretty smart guy and had a future, but there were just some things he didn’t get.

He he said I wasn’t “keepin’ it real” , called me a “sellout” and told me I forgot where I came from.  He said this because I pulled him to the side and told that having a nice white dress shirt, a silk tie, and dress pants did not make his Timberland boots suitable office attire.

Based on my experience, there are a few things every man needs to have in his clothing arsenal:

Suits

This is a no-brainer.   Two at minimum, one navy blue, one charcoal grey. No yellow 12 button Steve Harvey specials.  No coats that make you look like  you’re trying to remake a Zapp video.  Two single breast, three button suits.  That’s all I’m asking for.

Solid long-sleeved dress shirts

With a suit you should wear white and baby blue shirts only.  And they have to be long sleeved shirts, unless you work the register at McDonald’s.  Save your yellows and pinks for casual days outside of the workplace (however, I’d question a pink shirt at any time).  French cuffs are acceptable on occasion. That brings me to…

Cuff Links

Something conservative. No dice.  No large diamonds that draw attention.  No links that look like spinning rims (yes, they do make those and I’ve seen fools wearing them).

A Watch

I know that in the days of Blackberry’s and Ipods with clocks on them that we rarely use a watch, but they really are a great accessory.  No bling. No diamonds around the face.  If you want a higher end watch that says class, Tag Heuer, Cartier, and Omega are all nice.  Or even a pocketwatch.  But don’t get it twisted; I’ve seen a $60 Fossil with more style than those gaudy TechnoMarine “shinin’ in ya face” wrist pieces.

Dress shoes

If you can spend $200 on a pair of tennis shoes or Timberlands, you can spend the same (or less) on a nice pair of dress shoes.  Cap toes, oxfords, wingtips, and dress boots are all nice and will go with a suit.  Choose something comfortable that says style.

Jeans

Here is my sleeper.  Every man should have a few pair of nice fitting jeans he can wear out.  You can switch up a nice pair of  jeans with a blazer or even one of your suit jackets.  Iron them or take them to the cleaners.  I actually like the term “denim pants” better because people will actually think about taking the wrinkles out of them before they wear them.

A few years ago, I have to admit that Kanye West wore the blazer/jeans style well.  It was a good look for young men.  Then he got on that leather pants/Liz Claiborne scarf sh*t and took it to the left (wish we could kick his ass to the left).

Hint:  If  you can put your jeans on without a belt and they fall to the floor around your ankles, they’re too big for you.

Now here are some things a man shouldn’t have in his wardrobe:

• Skinny jeans – I’m putting the worst offender first.  Under no circumstances should any man have a pair of skinny jeans in his closet.  You are a man.  You guys think I’m kidding but I’m going to start slappin’ any man I see with some tight ass jeans on.  It’s not manly.

• Rows and rows of Jerseys – No man should have too many jerseys.  What are you, 14?  A jersey for each of your favorite sports teams is ok, but to have rows and rows is unacceptable.  Grow up.

• Leather Pants – Unless you’re a professional wrestler, I can’t think of a reason any self-respecting man would have a pair of leather pants in his closet.  If you can think of one, let me know.  Then when I smack the sh*t out of you for even trying to come up with a reason for it, tell me how that feels.

• Long Black Trenchcoat – Unless you’re planning to be in a low-budget remake of “The Matrix”, take this out of your closet and burn it.

I’m not being hard on you, fellas.  I’m just trying to help you out.  If you’re going to be a man, you have to dress the part.  You don’t have to wear a suit all the time, but having your pants sagging off your ass all the time isn’t grown up.  There’s no law against wearing a dress shirt when you go out either.

It’s time to man up.

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This post has 521 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 12 secondes for reading it.

I’m writing this to you from Canada, so I guess I should start with “Aye”.  Business trip.  The traveling isn’t anything new, but I haven’t been to Canada in a while, it was nice to go back.  I’m in Mississauga, about 20 minutes or so  outside of Toronto.

It’s nice “north of the border”  and they say it’s different from life in the States.

I caught a cab from the airport to my hotel from my Indian cabbie.  I understood about every third or fourth word but he was nice.  We talked about my trip, how long I’d be staying, and recommendations for a few good restaurants to try.  I reach my hotel to find a crew of Asian deskclerks, which because the hotel was new, were only too happy to help me, almost harassing.

As I check in, the Hispanic looking woman from housekeeping confirms to the deskclerk that my room is cleaned and ready.  Thanks.  I hate a dirty room.

My co-workers took a later flight, so I had some time to myself.  I decided to take a walk to the convenience store a few blocks away to get a few items.

The Korean store owners smiled nicely as I walked around the store for my spray starch, bottled water, and bubble gum.  I decided to bypass the skin magazines and the bootlegged DVDs and CDs.  Gotta pay with cash, card not accepted.  As I make my way towards the exit, I notice the store owners seem a little more at ease.

I walked by a small stand where an African gentleman was selling sunglasses.  They looked like some cheap knockoffs, but you can’t knock him for trying.  The warm greeting “Nice eh’, my friend” doesn’t phase me.  I keep it moving.

About a block up, I approach a few of the “block boys” dressed in baggy jeans, Timberlands and hoodies.  No words were exchanged between us; just a “whats’ up” head nod as I passed by.  Keep a sharp eye out…just in case.

It’s a little cold and rainy today, so I dipped into Starbucks to grab a small coffee.  Old, white lady, you don’t have to grip your purse as  I walk by.  I just want a coffee.  Can’t believe I’m getting this overpriced bullsh*t, but it’s cold.

Time to head back to the hotel.  I’m passing by a Popeye’s and peer through the large glass widows.  There’s a little bit of every type in there.   I guess everyone loves greasy fried food.

I’m almost at the hotel.  As I pass the office building next to my hotel, I notice it’s empty, except for a few mannequins in the lobby.  I ask the kind young lady behind the desk about it and she tells me the business that used to be there closed down because they couldn’t get any business.  About 200 people out of work.

I guess things aren’t so different over here after all.  All around the world,  same song…

Feel free to comment.

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