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It's Time To Man Up, Fellas

Archive for the ‘Just Not Manly’ Category

Twitter Really Is For The Birds

Posted by TrueMan On September - 1 - 2010

This post has 546 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 27 secondes for reading it.

…you know what it is?…it’s dumb n*gga technology.  It lets dumb n*ggas,  talk to other dumb n*ggas, about dumb n*gga sh*t… – Gin Rummy, from Season One of “The Boondocks”

I like social media..for the most part.  Twitter, Facebook, chat rooms.  It’s a whole new way for people to communicate with each other no matter where they are in the world.  It’s a cheap and fun way to let people know what’s on your mind, or to update a quick status on what you’re up to.

It’s also a way for chickenheads to cluck across the internet.  So I’m going to put this one in the “Just Not Manly” category, even though it applies to women too.

What the hell is going on with some of the people on Twitter and Facebook?  People lost their damn minds over that little blue bird.  Maybe because they can be anonymous with a fake name and not have to meet people, but that’s no reason to get stupid.  Women are all over the web claiming how much the love God with their ass hanging out; the Lord don’t need to see ya thong.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having fun, but some of this stuff is just stupid.  One tweet I saw the other day from a Tweeter with a lot of followers said

About to guzzle down some Hennessy like if it was (another Tweeter’s) d*ck…

First, she comes off like a drunk bitch.  Second, she comes off like a drunk bitch that makes her living on her knees.  Have some gotdamn self-respect.  I don’t understand what makes her think this is a good idea.  I’m not judging anyone…but she’s probably single and has been ran through like Adrian Peterson through the Minnesota Vikings offensive line.

That wasn’t an isolated incident.  Another one I saw from a young girl that said she wanted to ride a guy’s d*ck and lick the cum off.  The biggest problem I had was that Twit Pic looked like she was about 15.  At least she has a goal in life; most 15 year old girls just want to chase after Justin Bieber.

(Note:  I hate Bieber’s little punk ass, but I can’t knock his hustle.  He’s got about ½ a billion fans and Twitter followers, little boys and girls are putting his name in their screen names.  Can’t knock his hustle…but get a damn haircut.)

Fellas, you are not exempt.  Some of you are chickenheads, too.  Why does every dude who lifts two weights and gets a little bit of a pump feel the need to take his shirt off in his pic?  Cut that fruity sh*t out with that stupid stand-in-front-of-the-mirror-with-your-cell-camera-pose.  That is some really suspect sh*t.

Makes me want to go back to regular snail mail from the U.S. Postal Service.   It took forever to get a message across the street, but at least I didn’t have to worry about some idiot that wants to call himself YungSwole, or some other asshole standing looking tough in his bathroom showing his tattoos.  Moron.

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Put Your Money (Mayweather) Where Your Mouth Is

Posted by TrueMan On August - 18 - 2010

This post has 628 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 16 secondes for reading it.

You have to admire greatness.  You really do.  When a person tells you they’re going to do something and they do it, that’s not cockiness or arrogance…that’s confidence. That’s greatness.  Can’t argue that.  However, when someone tells you how great they are and then comes up lame when it comes time to prove it, well, that’s just not manly.

That’s why I have to give my latest tab of “Just Not Manly” to…Floyd Joy Mayweather, Jr., aka Pretty Boy Floyd, aka Money Mayweather.  C’mon down, Floyd.

Let me first say that I’ m a huge Mayweather fan.  Floyd Jr. is an awesome boxer.  In my opinion, he’s the best in the game right now, hands down.  He’ll tell you he’s the best in the game too. Not only that, he’ll tell you he’s the best of all time…

(Note:  I don’t even think HE really believes he’s the best of all time, and if he does he’s a fool.  He says that mainly for self promotion, and he’s good at it.  Floyd has a rich knowledge of boxing history and knows in his heart of hearts that Sugar Ray Robinson is the greatest of all time.  I have Floyd Jr. in my top 25 or so, but no higher than that.)

The problem I have is that he’s talking a lot of sh*t right now, but he won’t step in the ring with the man many people say is the best right now, Manny Pacquaio.  Pacquaio fights like the Tasmanian devil throwing punches in bunches, but he can’t box for squat.  I think Floyd would, to paraphrase NFL great Lawrence Taylor, “beat the boogersnots out of him” by unanimous decision, and it wouldn’t even be close…but for some reason Floyd won’t fight him.  At first, it was the drug testing issue (Pacquaio is most likely ‘roided up) but now Pacquaio has agreed to the testing guidelines.  You’d think Mayweather Jr.  would jump at the chance to fight him, but he has, very uncharistically for him, stayed quiet.

Some say it’s because he’s scared to fight, but I don’t think so.  See they call Floyd Jr. “Money Mayweather” for a reason; he loves money more than anything else, even his legacy.  He once even said “you can’t spend your legacy,” and he’s right.  That’s why I don’t think he’s scared; Money Mayweather has at least 50 MILLION reasons not to be scared to fight Pacquaio, and that’s on the low end.  So I don’t get it.

It could be because his trainer and uncle, Roger Mayweather, is about to do time for sparring one of his female boxers without gloves in their living room.  Supposedly, he beat the crap out of her for some reason.  The Pacquaio fight would be the biggest fight of Floyd Jr.’s career, so I’m sure he’d want his team at full strength.  And I could understand that if that’s the reason…but Floyd hasn’t said anything.

Floyd, for your fans and fans of boxing in general, say something.  Better yet, say you’re ready to step between the ropes and give Pacquiao.  Hell, you fought the Big Show at Wrestlemania, so you can’t be sacred of this midget.  Please don’t tell me you talked all this sh*t and then turned b*tch when there was an opportunity to back up what you said.  That’s just not manly.

Sometimes a man has to step into the ring and fight.  It’s your turn now, Floyd.  Man up.

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Morpheus Could Use A Green Pill Right About Now

Posted by TrueMan On August - 8 - 2010

This post has 405 words. It will take approximately 4 minutes, 3 secondes for reading it.

“You can do a lot of things wrong as a parent, but if your daughter’s a stripper, you f*cked up” – Chris Rock from his “Never Scared” stand-up routine

I feel sorry for Lawrence Fishburne in some ways.  Any time your daughter chooses to do porn, you’ve got problems.

Oh, he’s still getting put in the category of “Just Not Manly, but I do it with a sympathetic ear…

That hotbed of breaking news, TMZ, has reported that Montana Fishburne has decided to make a hardcore porn movie to make her big push into Hollywood, but you have to think that in some ways, this is daddy’s fault.

Lawrence Fishburne needs to look himself in the mirror and ask himself a few questions.

“What did I do wrong?  What did I do to make Montana think that teabagging men on camera is a good resume padder? What did I do to make her think that Kim Kardashian is a good role model? Dear Lord, what did I do to make my daughter wanna be a HO??!!”

Montana, who is taking on the porn name “Chippy D”,  is also quoted in the TMZ article as saying, “The first time is really nerve racking … but, I have a lot of at-home experience.”  Basically you just told the world you’re a skank.  Samuel Jackson is probably somewhere putting his arm around Lawrence Fishburne right now saying, “Man, I thought I had a f*cked up past…”

(On another note, what black man names his daughter Montana?  That’s like Piper or Madison.  That’s a new one on me, but I digress.)

In “The Matrix”,  Morpheus, played by Lawrence Fishburn, offered Thomas Anderson (Keanu Reeves) the choice to continue his cushy existence by taking the green pill or to wake up to reality by taking the red pill.  I bet even Morpheus would really like a green pill right now.  F*ck knowing the truth.  F*ck the sentinels, the Oracle, and the Matrix.  F*ck Keanu Reeves and his long black trench coat.  Give him the green pill.  He needs to go back to fantasy land when his little girl didn’t want to make Deepthroat part 2.

Lawrence, I gotta give you a label of “Just Not Manly”, but I do so with a heavy heart.  I promise to give Montana a great review in her film debut :-)

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They Spinnin’ N***a, They Spinnin…

Posted by TrueMan On August - 3 - 2010

This post has 74 words. It will take approximately 44 secondes for reading it.

This one is a no brainer.  It should be a slam dunk  to see why this one falls into the “Just Not Manly” category.  Basically if you have to rent your rims, ya dumb ass shouldn’t be buying them.  I guess Chris Rock was right; n***as will put rims on a toaster if you let em’…even if they have to make weekly payments.

Get ya gotdamn priorities in order.  Man up!


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Just Cook The Damn Food

Posted by TrueMan On July - 19 - 2010

This post has 469 words. It will take approximately 4 minutes, 41 secondes for reading it.

I’m watching the Food Network this morning….

(Note:  Yes, I watch the Food Network  so I can pick up a few tips.  I can probably out-cook most of you ladies out there.  My eggplant parm is to die for and you don’t want none of me on the grill. )

I was watching “Down Home With The Neelys” and then “Big Daddy’s House”.  I love my people.  We have a spirit and a character that you can’t find in other cultures.  But sometimes, we go a bit over board.   I must sit up from the couch and change from the mild mannered (insert my government name) into Trueman because I see unmanliness going on here.  You don’t have to reinforce every negative stereotype out there.

Pat Neely…Aaron McCargo…I must deem you both “Just Not Manly“.

Aaron McCargo is starting to remind me of Step-N-Fetch.  On one episode he was cooking a picnic meal with fried chicken, potato salad, and greens.   He didn’t really talk too much about the potato salad or the greens, but he treated the fried chicken like it was manna from heaven.  He let out some loud grunts and “UMMMMMs” when he tore into the chicken breast like he never had a piece before.  Then took a spoonful of potato salad and said “You know what would make this taste better?…another bite of chicken!” and ripped of another piece.  The 2010 Chicken George.  All he needed was a hat and for Ben Vereen to teach him a few moves.  Sambo actin’ bastard, cut it out.  And while you’re at it , take those damn big assed hoop earrings out.  Unless you’re acting as Yul Brenner’s stunt double in “The King And I”, it’s not a good look.

Now, I’m going to go at Pat Neely a little bit.  He’s the husband from the cooking show “Down Home With The Neelys.”  He seems to be a genuine guy that really loves his wife.  It’s refreshing to see that level of love in a way.  But Pat…you don’t have to act so “bama.” You are not the old pimp at the club.  If he says “Heh Heh Heh Heh” one more time, I’m slapping the sh*t out of him.  You don’t have to act like you’re playing the banjo at the juke joint in “The Color Purple” (one of my all time favorites).  It’s 2010.  And grow a set.  Just because Gina is acting a country fried fool, you don’t have to.  One of you has to have some gotdamn common sense.

Aaron, Pat, man up!  Stop coonin’ for the camera.  You are embarassing yourself.  Your are embarassing me.

Just cook the damn food!

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Get Some Fut-Balls

Posted by TrueMan On June - 27 - 2010

This post has 378 words. It will take approximately 3 minutes, 46 secondes for reading it.

Got a Sunday special for you since I’m watch in the World Cup.  I’m really getting into this.  Right now, Argentina is playing Mexico and is up 3-0.  Both teams are playing beautifully and I’m gaining a new respect for the sport…

That being said…

I’m also seeing some really unmanly sh*t.  I’m starting to think that futbol players are a bunch of girlie men.  They’re well conditioned athletes, running around on a surface large than a football field at full speed for 90 minutes.  But as Ms. Nikks would say, there is a lot of “b*tch azzness”.

Every time one of these guys gets tapped or brushes against another player, they fall down, grab an ankle or hamstring, and act like they’d just been shot.  Writhing in pain needlessly, praying that the referee would call something. Most times, the referee would just look at them like “you little b*tch, get up.”

Don’t get me wrong, there are some “floppers” in every sport. Vlade Divac was a notorious flopper in NBA.  Tom Brady of the NFL’s New England Patriots is a big time cry baby and looks at the refs every time a defensive player comes within five feet of him (can’t stand his punk ass).  But in soccer, excuse me…futbol…EVERYBODY does it.  EVERYBODY.  You can’t point your finger at one player and say that he’s a flopper.  You have use a broad stroke for the entire tournament of players.

As someone who loves hard nosed sports, it pains me to watch that part of the game.  You futbol players need to cut that flopping stuff out.  Your determination and talent is magnificent, but flopping like a hypochondriac just opening a bag of needles needs to stop.  It’s taking away from the sport.  You are embarrassing yourselves.  You are embarrassing me.

Man up.  Take or give the hit like a man.  Get up, keep running, and get some goals.

On another note, congratulations to Team USA for a great tournament.  You played well and should hold your heads up high.  God has blessed America….yes, lawd, he has (you know you wanted to see that one again :-) ).

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The Man-Gagina Monologues

Posted by TrueMan On June - 14 - 2010

This post has 421 words. It will take approximately 4 minutes, 12 secondes for reading it.

I wish I were 7′ tall.

If I were 7′ tall, I’d be the most unstoppable force on the planet.  Wilt Chamberlain 2.0.  You could not guard me on the basketball court, volleyball court, or any other court I’d choose to preside over.  Judge Judy wouldn’t be sh*t.  Judge Trueman would pass down judgment over all.

And I definitely wouldn’t be a 7′ “vagina”, like a certain European Los Angeles Laker that cost more than two-first round draft picks.

Pau Gasol, even though you’re on my purple and gold, I have to give you a vote to “Just Not Manly”.  There is no way 6’4″ Tony Allen should have blocked your shot.  That just looked bad.  Really bad.  There is no way you shouldn’t dunk the ball on anyone you want to at any time.  I know you’re European, but you don’t have to be the typical soft European; the league already has Dirk Nowitzki for that.

If I were 7’ tall, I’d have dunked it on Tony Allen so hard he’d be rubbing the Spalding imprint off his head right now!  But that’s just me…that’s how I get down.

Gasol has a great skillset.  He can put the ball on the floor, drive and shoot.  But he’s not tough.  Hell, I’d take his little brother Marc over him right now.  Marc isn’t nearly as polished a player as Pau, but he’ll stick his nose in there and scrap.

Last night, the Celtics seemed to drive to the basket all night at will, doing whatever they wanted to do.  Rondo is quickly becoming one of the best point guards in the game, but he shouldn’t get a free lane whenever he wants one.  Gasol seemed to make half-hearted attempts at defense.  I couldn’t help but think as the Lakers gave up lay up after lay up, “Kurt Rambis would have knocked him on his ass.  Mychal Thompson would have knocked him on his ass.”  That’s what we need right now from the forward/center position but the Lakers aren’t getting it from Gasol.

Damn, Gasol, show some heart.  Some desire.  Show me something.

The next two games are must-wins for the Lakers. Lose one, and the title goes to Boston. No championship trophy, no parade.  The Black Mamba can’t do it by himself.  Pau Gasol needs to step up and help out.  Right now, he’s the world’s tallest “vagina”.

Pau…man up.

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Will The South Rise Again?

Posted by TrueMan On June - 8 - 2010

This post has 604 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 2 secondes for reading it.

I don’t like to get political or too serious; I started this blog to get away from that and to have some fun.  But today, I’ve had enough. There are some things I have to take a stand on.

To my people in the South…you need to man up.  You embarrass yourselves quite often…but now you are embarrassing me.  And I’m not having it.  I’ve seen some things here in Northern Florida that are shameful.

There is a woman in the back office that let me and everyone else know “we ghetto up in here” and asking her white counterparts, “What yall kno bout’ Lil’ Bootsie??!!”, loudly singing every profanity filled song as loudly at her desk.  Her co-workers look at her, laugh, and shake their heads, but you don’t need mental telepathy to know what everyone is thinking – “This is what happens when you let the monkeys out the cages.”

She is only to be outdone by one of the office managers, an attractive, “intelligent” black woman. I say “intelligent” because even though she knows the in’s and out’s of her position like the back of her hand, the teardrop tattoo below her eye says otherwise.  You can’t help but notice and stare at it.  She has to be at least 40, so she’s old enough to know better, and she makes enough to have it removed.  It might leave a scar, but you can make up something; you saved kids in fire and got hit with flying shrapnel, fought off a mountain lion, whatever.  But what excuse can you make about a teardrop tattoo?  Are you auditioning to be the next rapper on the Cash Money label?

I guess she thought it complemented the one she has on her neck…

I can only take so much foolishness and neck snappin’ so I left the office to eat.  I went to a Chinese restaurant and the was a young man in front of me dressed only in his flip flops with socks, jean shorts well below his ass, red boxers, and a baseball cap.  He probably was religious because the large tattoo on his back that looked like it was done with a hot clothes hanger said “Only God Knows My Struggles.”  I know your struggle too.  You can’t read a sign that says you have to have a shirt to go in.  I know he can afford a shirt because the mouth full of gold teeth he had shows he has at least a little bit of money.

Some may think I’m too hard on people or that I’m self-loathing.  Actually, I’m self-loving.  Here’s  why I’m mad: they are an embarrassment.  The problem is they seem to have cloned themselves because I’ve see too much of this since I’ve been here.  They make others, and even worse, they make us think less of who we are.  It’s 2010.  We’ve progressed to a point where people can make their own choices and people are old enough to know better.  There is no excuse for them and I won’t take one.  I’m sure their parents wanted better than for them to be a modern day Step-And-Fetch.

My people in the south need to man up.  I don’t know if it’s country or “keepin’ it real” but you need to quit.  I may never go south again…except to Atlanta.  Gotta get with Pacman Jones and hit the “scrip” club (that was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell).

Feel free to comment.

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Winners Want The Ball

Posted by TrueMan On May - 19 - 2010

This post has 592 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 55 secondes for reading it.

I’m built for pressure.  I eat it for breakfast.  I thrive on it.  When it comes down to crunch time, I want to be the one who makes the decision.  That’s what I do.  That’s what a man does.

Not all men guys like that though.  Some guys fold like a tent.  When it time for them to shine in light or hide in the darkness, they turn b*tch and run away.  They’re just not manly.  So I have to give a vote of  “Just Not Manly” to…

Vince Carter, come on down.

If you watched the Orlando Magic – Boston Celtics game last night, you saw Carter step to the free throw line with 31.9 seconds left and miss two…not one, two, freethrows.  He was Orlando’s biggest off-season acquisition.  He was supposed to be the offensive threat that would push the Magic over the top.  He was supposed to be the hired gun that would be a dead eye shooter when it mattered most.

Instead, he choked.

Carter’s missed freethrows, in essence, cost the Magic the game, and most likely a chance to go to the NBA Finals.  They were down by 3 now and the Celtics had the ball, but more than that, the Magic were deflated.  If they couldn’t go to their go-to-guy, who could they go to?

Missing the shots wasn’t the biggest problem I had with Carter.  It was that Carter not only whiffed on two freethrows…he looked he didn’t want to be the one shooting them.  You’re the best offensive player on the team, have a chance to bring your team back, and you don’t want the ball?? That not a winning attitude.  Winners want the ball when the game is on the line.

This is as much a lesson about life as it is about sports. In life, we all have times where it’s do or die, where we have people depending on us to come through.  We have to face the beast in front us and succeed in spite of.  Some people thrive on it and win….others don’t.

The best in all aspects of life, Jordan, Woods, Gates, Trump,  face obstacles and make decisions.  They don’t always make the best decisions but they’re not afraid to make them (remember, Jordan drafted all time NBA bust Kwame Brown and Gates approved Windows ME and it crashed during the its unveiling).

Carter had two routine freethrows.  If you miss one, that happens.  If you miss two, I question if you really wanted to be the man with the ball.  When I look in the mirror, I live or die with the decisions I make…but I make them.

If the Magic don’t make the NBA Finals, I think everyone will look back that that moment in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals and look backto the last 31.9 seconds.  They’ll see a player that everyone looked to bring their team back, but just didn’t have the heart or confidence to come through.  They’ll see a guy who had a chance to shine but turned b*tch and ran from it.  He didn’t want the ball with the game on the line.

…maybe it runs in the family (what’s up Tracy McGrady?!).

Vince Carter, you need to man up.  You can’t live off that dunk on Fredrick Weis from the 2000 Olympics for the rest of your life (it was nice though)…

Feel free to comment.

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Buy, Not Build

Posted by TrueMan On April - 20 - 2010

This post has 500 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes for reading it.

A mark of a man is to know his limitations and to seek help when you need it.  Very few men can be master to all things (that’s a curse a few of us bear, but I’ve learned to deal with it).  The best course of action is to become a subject matter expert (SME) in a few things, outsource what you can’t do, and move on.

This applies to sports too, which is why I don’t understand why Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio is so upset with the New York Yankees.  Basically, he’s cryin’ like a lil’ b*tch because the Yankees have enough money to buy free agents to build a championship team instead of the old fashioned way.   Nevermind that the rest of MLB gets a cut through revenue sharing, he’s still complaining.

The Yankees know their limitations.  They also know their strength, basically outbidding everyone else for players.  Even if the Yankees are just using their wallets to buy a championship instead of good coaching and managing, my question is: who gives a sh*t?

New York Yankees president Randy Levine is basically using a tried and true business credo, “buy, not build.”  Why build something if you can pay or it and get it faster, especially if it’s outside of your area of expertise?  Yankees management isn’t the best in the game (there really not that good), but the team can afford to buy the best players.  None of the championship trophies they have say “Purchased in …”  and no one would care if they did. The Yankees are SMEs in check writing.

Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio was also complaining that it wasn’t fair that the Yankees could spend more than other teams and that he couldn’t afford to keep up with them (almost sounds like a Freudian penis envy thing).  The Yankees’ payroll is expected to be about $200 million this year; the Brewers’ will be in the $80 million range.  Tough t*ttie for ya broke ass, get a training bra.  If the Yankees spend-and-spend-again plan doesn’t pan out, will you and the rest of the league pony up to give the Yankees some money back?  Didn’t think so.  Stop crying about things you can’t control.  Maybe you should have thought about that before setting up shop in Milwaukee.

(Note: No disrespect to anyone in Milwaukee, but I’ve been there.  I put that on the same plane as Cleveland.  It’s a third tier city.  And Wisconsin cheese isn’t even that good.)

Attanasio, you need to man up and stop crying.  Maybe if you focused on developing your players, your team wouldn’t suck.  You let CC Sabathia walk out the door.  You could have given him a bigger contract, but you didn’t want to.  The Yankees did.  As the saying goes, “can’t ball, don’t play.”

I hate it when dudes start crying.

Feel free to comment.

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I might be the last of my kind...a man. I am a man among boys, and I dedicated this site to men everywhere as a place where we can be men, without apology or fear. Time to man up, fellas.

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