Man Among Boys

This post has 434 words. It will take approximately 4 minutes, 20 secondes for reading it.

I was talking with a friend this morning, just catching up since it’s been a little while since we’ve talked.  We went over a few topic, starting with work and kids, but eventually stumbled across…women.

He just got out of a relationship and I’m single, so we started talking about the women we want…and the one’s we don’t.  He was telling me that no one ever really taught him how to identify a good woman.  I can relate.  There’s not an IPhone app for that and my GPS doesn’t have a destination for “good women.”  You’re kind of on your own.

So we started joking around (well kind of) and we came up with a couple of classes of women.  Good women, women, and chickenheads.  Chickenheads (usually) look good and some even come with degrees, but they always lead to a stressful life.  We’ve both been attracted to chickenheads because we didn’t know better.  We didn’t know the chickenhead signs.  So we came up with a few.

• Drive by a crowded group of people blasting your music.  A real woman would turn her head in disgust.  If one starts bobbin’ their head to the music screaming “Gurrlllll, that’s my song!”….she’s a chickenhead.
• If you’re on a dinner date and a another woman happens to glance your way, and your date grabs her knife, looks at you and says “What the f*ck she lookin’ at?!” ..your date is a chickenhead.
• If she keeps arguing with you, even after you’ve mathematically, scientifically, and logically proven she’s wrong, she’s a chickenhead.
• If every time you argue, she has to arch her back, put one hand on her hip, wave her finger, and make that “knucccckkk” sound when she talks, she’s a ghetto chickenhead. Definitely not a KFC chicken, more like Crown Fried Chicken or Kennedy Fried Chicken.
• If your lady can’t keep a job and is always complaining that everyone is jealous of her and is out to get her, she’s a chickenhead, but even worse she’s a paranoid chicken.  Probably paranoid because of the steroids, definitely not a free range chicken.

Fellas, I say this (partially) in fun, but you have to be on the lookout.  We have to follow the signs.  We have to make good choices in the women we date, and even better choices in the ones we marry.

Ladies, if anything I mentioned applies to you and you’re offended, well…cluck cluck.

Feel free to comment.

• Benefits of Weight Lifting for Women Many people ask questions about weight lifting for women, because they are not sure about...
• Streaming Video To My TV With My Netflix Account...For Free. Seriously, how can Netflix offer unlimited DVD rentals AND free online streaming for $9 a...
• Paul Simon, Father and Daughter Gordon says he loves the words to this song. For Gordon and his girls...and George...

This post has 396 words. It will take approximately 3 minutes, 57 secondes for reading it.

Hi all.  Sorry I’ve been lacking on the posts.  I took some time off and went back home to the States to spend some time with my son.

As much as a man should move forward, there are times when he should look back.  When I relocated to Central America, there are some things I’d never thought I’d miss.  I mean, Costa Rica has so much to offer.  But as I stepped off the plane into Philadelphia International and wiped my brow (it’s hotter in the northeast than in Costa Rica), I looked around at the mean faced and rude attitudes…and I smiled.  I missed all of that.  Costa Rica’s nice but there’s no place like home.

Some other things I didn’t think I’d miss so much…

I-95 – I missed the congestion and bumper to bumper traffic.  Cursing at the top of your lungs with the windows closed like other cars can hear you.  The middle fingers to random strangers.  As bad as the traffic is, Costa Rica makes I-95 look like South Dakota.

Pat’s Steaks – Chopped strip steak, onions, bread, and cheese whiz  separately don’t amount to much, but together, they make a powerful and irresistible combination.  Never has a heart attack in a bun tasted so good.   My son and I took part in a cheesesteak tour where we sampled a little piece of cheesesteak from about 8 different places.  Pat’s reigned supreme.

Rita’s Water Ice – A staple in the northeast.  Just ice and flavored syrup for the most part (mango is my favorite), but it’s really good.

Waterparks – The ocean is nice, but there’s nothing like a waterslide that shoots you so fast that it pulls your swimming trunks off.  You can never have a bad time at a waterpark.

Bar-B-Que – That’s the ultimate real man stuff.  Roasting meat over a fire (coal or gas, both are good) to a fine char and cooked through is an art.  Not everyone can do it.  It’s the only time a man can wear an apron and is somewhat acceptable (even though you will never find Trueman wearing one).

When’s the last time you went home, and what did you miss?  What made you feel glad to be home? I’d be interested to hear.

Feel free to comment.

• Tiger Woods Text Messages: Flat-Out Ridiculous [/caption] Even for a guy we knew cheated on Elin Nordegren with eight mistresses (and...
• Federer wins 16th major at Australian Open [/caption] MELBOURNE, Australia—Roger Federer dismantled Andy Murray in the Australian Open final Sunday to extend...
• Cologne for Men – What Women Like on Men There are many different types of cologne for men. Men's cologne usually consists of woodsy,...

This post has 349 words. It will take approximately 3 minutes, 29 secondes for reading it.

It’s the end of a long work week so I thought I’d end it in some fun.

We see to many cases of kids shooting each other over petty sh*t.  The slightest perceived insult or even a glare can get some killed. Back in the day, it wasn’t like that.  You had two alternatives:

1. Breakdancing – if there was some cardboard or linoleum tile around, you bust into a B-boy stance and tried to out-windmill each other until someone gave up.
2. Rankin’ – some people called it “playin’ the dozens”, but basically you threw one-line insults at someone until they couldn’t could come back with a better one.

(I wasn’t the best dancer, but I was witty, so you didn’t want to start rankin’ with me.  You wanted to leave that alone.)

You kept “ya mama” jokes on you like emergency cash; you never knew when you’d need them and only used them in the most grave of situations.  MTV even made a series out of it (“Ya Mama”) but those guys were kinda lame.  I’d have ate their ass back in the day.

I want to know what was your favorite “ya mama” joke from when you were coming up.  This goes across all age and color lines.   Good “ya mama” jokes are like white-on-white Nike Air Force One’s.  Everyone wants them, they’re hard to find, they’re classic, you can’t use them every day, and they add flavor to any conversation or get up.

One of my favorites was when the movie “X” came out….

Ya mama is so fat, they won’t let her wear “X” jackets, cause helicopters keep tryin’ to land on her back.

That was usually followed by “Oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and people falling out.  Couldn’t use it all the time though because they get old and people then bust on you for using the same stuff over and over.

So let’s hear it.  What was your favorite “ya mama” joke?  It’s all in fun on a Friday.

Feel free to comment.

• What are the Benefits of Surfing? Understanding the benefits of surfing is important if you want to get the most out...
• Depression Risk Factors for Women There are a number of ailments that women are actually at risk for developing without...
• Don't Lose Your Shirt in Las Vegas [/caption]If you were wondering why I haven't posted very much this week, it's because I...

This post has 87 words. It will take approximately 52 secondes for reading it.

Now that I’m in Central America, I’ve developed a new affection for soccer (excuse me, futbol) and am intensely watching the  World Cup.  It’s a true showcase of the world coming together in sport and in the spirit of brotherhood.  I could kick myself for not watching it sooner.

Go USA.  God Bless America…

And Serbia…

And Slovenia…

And we can’t forget about the brothas in South Africa…

I just want their whole, big, round “worlds” in my hands….

Feel free to comment.

• FIFA World Cup 2010 - Quick Guide [/caption] FIFA World Cup 2010 Quick Guide features news, information about venues, matches, ticketing and...
• Benefits Of Hosting The FIFA World Cup Part III Social Ties Within South Africa South Africa’s official campaign of the 2010 FIFA World Cup...
• Why The Olympics Don't Matter Anymore As I watch the end of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, I can't help but...

This post has 658 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 34 secondes for reading it.

Got a Saturday special for you.   Hope you like it.

I like to follow people that have interesting, weird, and though-provoking posts on Twitter.  They make me laugh or think and help to make boring work days go by faster.  One I follow is this white guy called LukeRomyn.  He usually has some funny stuff.  Yesterday he had this Twitter post that said:

“On behalf of all sane white people, I hereby give you permission to shoot any white boy who calls himself ‘nigga’.”

That got me to thinking, why would any white kid want to call himself “nigga”?  Do they think they are getting themselves closer to black?  Is that a feeble attempt at trying to associate? I don’t even know why a black person would want to call himself “nigga.”

Then that transitioned to thinking about how the color line is getting more and more blurred each day.  I’m not really talking about interracial relationships, even though I could (look at Seal and Heidi Klum; they’re as happy as can be and keep poppin’ out the babies. More power to them. At least somebody’s happy. ).  I talking more about “black stuff” and “white stuff”.  What we think only certain races or cultures are supposed.  As generations have passed, we’ve moved from segregated areas to more of a melting pot.  I know white guys that can school just about anybody on the basketball court and black kids that do wicked tricks on a skateboard.  The best rock musician in the world is black (Lenny Kravitz) and right now, Soul-Brotha-Number-One of R+B is a white boy (Robin Thicke).  Hell, the greatest guitarist of all time is Jimi Hendricks.

(Yes, Lenny Kravitz is black.  So is Obama.  It tickles me how before the election, people were calling Obama black, President N*gger, and all other sorts of stuff, but after he won, he magically became “bi-racial.” Get outta here with that bullsh*t.  He’s black.  Your President is black.  Deal with it.)

I have friends of all types.  From black militants to surfer dudes to pacifists.  I listened and still listen to all types of music.  But I know there were and are certain things that seen as just for white kids and others just for black kids.  Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  I knew white kids that had no idea what “grape drink” is (not grape JUICE, grape DRINK).  And have you ever seen a black guy get mauled by a bear on those “When Animals Attack” videos?  Nope, because we’re not going to stand there like a dumbass and try to film a charging bear until the last possible second.  We’ll use common sense, run, and YouTube that sh*t later, living the moment vicariously through someone else.

I try to understand just about anybody.  So today, I decided to live on the edge and do something only white people do:  I went out in the rain with my beach sandals.  It was only a light rain, a little more than a drizzle but rain none the less.  I always thought it was weird because your toes get wet, but did have kind of a cooling sensation.  I don’t think I’ll do it again, but I can’t say it was a completely negative experience.

(However, for any white people reading this, can you please explain to me what “winter shorts” are?  How do you wear shorts in the winter? I don’t get it.)

Have you ever done what you think only another group or race does?  White guys – have you ever worn a doo rag?  Black guys – have you ever work khakis with penny loafers and no socks?

I’m interested to know how blurred the color line is.  Let me know.  Just something to make you think on a Saturday afternoon.

Feel free to comment.

• Ban tasers till proven safe! Yet another innocent kid has died from tasers. In this case, officers were chasing Victoria...
• Lived Values Choose wisely what you focus. Where we were mistaken before in our choices was in...
• Buying your First Perfume If you are interested in buying your first perfume, then you are going to want...

This post has 82 words. It will take approximately 49 secondes for reading it.

I had nothing to do one night, so I went down to a local bar/club type deal.  As I sipped my drink, I met a guy who is also from the States and we started talking about this and that, that and this, and at times at times agreeing to disagree.

But as we looked around and checked out the sites, we came to the mutual conclusion that it is absolutely going to suck out here….:-) 

Feel free to comment.

• Save Time, Money and Space in Over 80 Ways If you're looking for handy gadgets, tools and various items that can save you time,...
• Google Sniper If your still looking for that magic secret that would transform your online income from...
• My New Favorite Site- Groupon: Collective Buying Power. I found this site today and I wanted to share it with you guys as...

This post has 52 words. It will take approximately 31 secondes for reading it.

Since it’s the day before Thanksgiving, instead of giving you a blog topic, I thought I’d give you a reminder of why we should all be thankful.

The Lord is my shepherd, and he knows what I like.

Feel free to comment…or just look and give thanks.  Happy Thanksgiving.

• Giving Thanks that our Government Has Not Yet Ruined My Financial Life If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that I...
• Steps & Tips To Help Your Friend Move On (for Girls) Steps Let Her Cry Sometimes when something like this happens the best thing is to cry,...
• Thank You, Readers! Blogging has been worth it because of you.  Seriously. As cliché as it may sound,...

This post has 863 words. It will take approximately 8 minutes, 37 secondes for reading it.

I’ve been thinking about my life lately, particularly my relationships with women.  After much deliberation, I’ve come to one realization:  I need a dumb b*tch in my life.

I used to think that I wanted a woman of education, intelligence and beauty that I could build a life with.  I’m rethinking that plan.  Now, I just want a dumb b*tch with a cute face, big ass, and a nice set of knockers.  Yes, I’m shallow and my requirements are minimal.

Here are the factors in my rational.  Very logical.  Basically A + B = C.  Follow along:

• You need “yin and yang” in a relationship.  Opposites keep balance in the world.  Black and white.  Fair and foul.  Right and wrong.  You can’t have too much of one side or else the relationship tips over.

• Intelligent men are educated, experienced, and learned.  They have viewpoints and opinions.  Intelligent men want to share their intelligence through conversation.  I’m an educated man. I’m an experienced man.  I’m a learned man.  I’ve traveled the world and seen many things.

• Intelligent women are also educated, experienced, and learned, as they should be.  They have viewpoints and opinions (unfortunately). They want to express themselves and add to the conversation.

• Men and women can’t communicate.  The book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” made millions.  There are people who actually make their living at helping men and women talk to each other.  There are blogs all over the place about relationships.  It’s a well-known fact that the sexes can’t talk to each other.

If it’s been proven that men and women already have trouble communicating, then what the f*ck do I want an intelligent woman for?   All we’re going to do is spend all of our time arguing because we both have contrasting viewpoints and can’t express them in a way the other will understand.  The result is two intelligent people trying to show how smart they are by proving the other wrong and attempting to “one up” each other all night.

If I have to get into a gun fight, I’d rather go up against a .22 caliber than an assault rifle.  Understand where I’m going with this?

Having an intelligent woman is just making my life harder and adds to my stress.  Now I have to sit here and debate over just about everything just because you want to have an opinion.

Therefore, there is only one logical conclusion…I need a dumb b*tch.

Dumb b*tches don’t know what they don’t know.  They can be easily swayed in conversation and agree with just about everything you say because, frankly, they don’t know sh*t.  Some might say that I afraid to have an intelligent woman because she has her own mind, but that’s not true.  Most intelligent women just don’t know how to shut the f*ck up long enough for someone to filter what they’re saying and offer an intelligent counter.

If I want an intelligent conversation, that’s what I have my boys for.  We can go to a bar and talk sports, politics, education, women, economy, and whatever else we want because men can express themselves to other men logically.  Men can talk to men about anything, and if we don’t agree, well, we just “agree to disagree” and move onto the next topic.

Men and women get into arguments over what movie to go see, and that stupid sh*t can go on for hours.

Is it morally wrong that I basically want an empty shell with a beautiful exterior?  Maybe, but if it will keep a happy home, so be it.  That moral void will be replaced with a stress free life.  I’ll carry the burden of intelligence while she plays the role of window dressing.

Some of you may be thinking, “How is she going to teach your kids?”  She won’t.  They’ll do the same thing your kids do – GO TO SCHOOL.  The difference is my kids will be well rested because they’re not kept up from mommy and daddy arguing all night.

Here’s what I want:

• I want a dumb b*tch that if she’s driving and her gas needle is getting close to empty, she speeds up because she wants to make it to a station before she runs out of gas.

• I want a dumb b*tch that she thinks because she says “hola”, that makes her bi-lingual.

• I want a dumb b*tch that thinks a good career move is going from the french fry bin to the register at McDonald’s.

• I want a dumb b*tch that names her child “La-a” and pronounces it LA-DASH-A  (the funny thing is, I actually know of such a case; true story).

If you’re a female, and you don’t understand anything I’ve said here…you qualify.  Leave your name and number in the comments.

And relax, ladies, it’s all in fun.  I’m just kiddin’…mostly .  Feel free to express your thoughts.

• On child-men, growing up, and finances It's been a while since I've read an article that raised my blood pressure.  I've...
• Escaping Control My own spiritual path is based not on abstaining from passion, but on embracing it....
• Is Cycling Different for Men and Women? [/caption] Most exercises are unisex - that's why we have both the NBA and the...

This post has 519 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 11 secondes for reading it.

I was at a female friend’s place last Sunday watching a few of the football games.  Nothing sexual.  We’ve always flirted, but we kept it at that.  We kicked back on the sofa, threw a few pillows back and forth, ordered a pizza, and got ready for a full day of watching what many be the manliest of all sports.

She sat there in her t-shirt and oversized sweats, with her hair pulled back in a single pony tail.  No make up or perfume.  Just two friends layin’ back.

Out of the blue she says to me perhaps the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard…

“Notice how Eli (Manning) always says “Omaha” right before the snapcount they’re going on.  He might need to switch that up. The defense is starting to catch on.”

My head quickly snapped to.  Huh? How did she catch onto that?? And she said it before the announcer says the same thing.

Suddenly, she seemed to glow a bit, almost radiant.  A while later…

“Idiot!! Why would you pass on 3rd and a mile inside your own 10 yard line? You’ve given the other team great field position on the kickoff.  Why don’t you just give the game away? Moron.”

I smiled at her as she started talking about how the coach has been calling boneheaded plays all game, but I wasn’t paying attention.   I just kept staring at her longingly.  Luckily, I was able to come to my senses and focus on the game.

I almost got trapped.

Fellas, it can happen to you too.  Beware.  Nowadays, women are infiltrating the inner sanctum of our mancaves.  Football Sundays are no longer just ours.  Women are watching boxing more and more.  The commissioner of my fantasy football league is a woman (she’s good too).

It’s not a new concept.  We men have been doing that for years.  Tell me you haven’t tried to cook a woman a meal to impress her. Tell me you didn’t watch Eddie Murphy as Marcus Graham in the movie “Boomerang” put on his mac and seduce Lela Rochon’s fine ass  and say….”Hmmmm, rosemary, huh.  I’ll have to add some of that next time I cook salmon” (great movie, rent if you haven’t seen it).

I’ve talked with female friends of mine that admitted to me they learned more about a sport to trap a man.  I’m not saying that there aren’t some women out there that are genuinely interested in football, but when a female friend of yours starts breaking down the zone blitz to you, your radar should be going up.

Women are smart fellas.  No longer are they thinking “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  Now, they’re telling you why a wide receiver’s yards after catch should be higher.

If a girl you’re dating know more about your favorite sport than you, she’s got a plan.

I’m just trying to look out for you.

What are your thoughts? Feel free to comment.

• Cable Bills Too High? Disconnect, Renegotiate Better Rate or Watch TV Online? No wonder everyone is wondering why their paycheck disappears so fast.  The cost of everything...
• To Be or NOT To Be Gluten-Free: Corn Chex??? Corn Chex Saga Update (June 21, 2009): As of yesterday, at a nearby Walmart, I finally...
• Was Justin Bieber Joking In This Video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMi6wbjARk0&feature=fvst My friend told me about this video. She doesn't like Justin Bieber and neither...