Man Among Boys

This post has 263 words. It will take approximately 2 minutes, 37 secondes for reading it.

Check out this YouTube piece about  case that happened in Florida.  I was watching the news and came across this story.  I’d be interested to hear your feedback.

A mother caught her 5 year old son playing with matches, so she asked a deputy to stage a fake arrest, complete with handcuffs and a ride in the back of the squad car.

She says she did it to teach him a lesson, to scare him straight so he wouldn’t do it again.  Check it out.  I apologize if it’s not clear.  You can YouTube “5 Year Old Fake Arrest” if you want another stream or to find a longer one.

What’s Trueman’s take on it?…..GOOD.  GLAD IT HAPPENED.  Scare his ass!  Mom made a power move that will stay with her son for the rest of his life, and I bet he’ll grow up to be a model citizen.

To all of you saying it was too severe, even crying over this, please, for your own good and the good of all, shut the f*ck up.  Your time-out-stand-in-the-corner-one-minute-per-year-old bullsh*t hasn’t worked.  Kids are worse than ever.  They’re disrespectful and running wild.  We’re losing the battle with them, so it’s time to get old school again.

To the Florida mom who had her son “arrested”, Trueman has your back.  You’ve got more balls than most of them men reading this.  Keep up the good work.

What do you think?  Feel free to comment.

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This post has 580 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 48 secondes for reading it.

I’m getting older.  That’s just a fact of life.  Things are changing.  As I’m getting older though, I’m realizing that my main battle is to make sure I don’t get “soft in the middle.”  It’s all a battle that we fight from time to time.  We get older, we get a little more lax in some things.  We tend to let some things go.  You might have a few more cookies before bedtime.  It’s easy to get caught up in a carefree lifestyle if you let yourself go.

I’m enjoying the sunshine, kicking back and relaxing.  Just letting life breeze by a bit.  I think I’m starting to get a little “soft in the middle”.

I’m not talking about physical weight though (ya boy stays in the gym 5-6 times a week).  I’m talking about getting soft in the “gut”.  Your source of power, desire, soul, inner being, or whatever you want to call it.  I’m taking about letting your passion go because you’re achieving some perceived level of success or because you have others to do work for you.

Getting soft…getting content…getting “fat and happy.”

It’s easy to get “soft” as we get older.  We move up into mid level or senior management positions and manage people underneath people underneath people, whether we work in the corporate world or for ourselves.  We delegate rather than get involved.  We feel that we don’t need to address certain things because we think it’s just not worth the effort or because we think it’s beneath us.  We use the mask of looking at the “big picture” as a reason not to get our hands dirty.

You have to get involved at the ground level every once in a while, no matter what you do.  It keeps you grounded.  It keeps you “in the street” and close to the action.  It keeps your finger on the pulse of what’s going on.  I remember reading about that in Russell Simmons’ book “Do You!: 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success” (I already told you about that book; if you haven’t gotten it yet, you’re missing out).  There’s a reason that whatever he does or designs reflects the latest trends and that he’s successful at it; he stays in the “street”.  He routinely gets involved at the ground level so he’s aware of what’s going on. That invigorates and gives insight on what the next “big thing” will be.  How can you make decisions if you don’t know what you’re making decisions on?  How can you keep your desire going if you’re not close to the action?

Success is usually reflective of the hard work put into something, but it’s easy to let that success dilute the drive that got you there in the first place.  So step out of your ivory tower and get out there.  Spend some time at in the “street” or at the base of whatever operation you have.  Put some work in today.  Keep your ear to the ground and find something that drives and motivates you to do more.

You might want to run a few laps around the track while you’re at it.  Put the hot dog down and get on a stairmaster.  Just sayin’, wouldn’t hurt…

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 605 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 3 secondes for reading it.

I went to the Verizon store yesterday to pay my bill and cancel my plan since I’ll be leaving for Costa Rica soon (3 weeks!).  As I approached the door, I hear high pitched screams from inside. There was a teenager, I guess about 15, who was cursing her mother out, calling her all kinds of b*tches and assholes because she had the older model Curve on the family plan and wanted to upgrade to the Storm 2, I guess about a difference of $200.  Mom didn’t have the money so she couldn’t do it.

I tried to handle my business with the other associate but couldn’t really focus because this misbehaved, ill mannered little tramp across from me kept yelling loud enough for everyone in the store to hear. Her mother, noticeably embarassed, stood there with closed eyes, mumbling about wishing her daughter would calm down and “wait until your father hears about this.”

My thought was, “lady, if you punch your daughter in the mouth and stomp her into the carpet a few times, I’ll tell the cops that she tripped over her shoelaces and busted her lip when they get here.”

There is no way on God’s green earth, any kid, mine or yours would get away with that.  Oh hell no. Call family services or whoever you need to.  I don’t care.  If your kid tried to mouth off to me like that, I’d take off my belt, pass it to you, and politely ask you to handle your business…and mine knows better than to even try it. Bernie Mac (RIP Bernie, you were a true King of Comedy) used to talk about beating kids in their sleep; this little girl needed some night time visits from Mr. Leather Belt as my mother used to say.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of what a strong family and parental unit looks like.  I remember an episode of “Everybody Hates Chris” where Chris mouthed off to his mother “WHAT??!!” because he wanted to be a bad boy and impress some girl.  The next scene was of him in the hospital on his stomach with his butt in the air.  A doctor was looking at an x-ray with what seemed to be his mother’s shoe rammed up his ass saying “I think we can get it out.”

“Everybody Hates Chris” can be a bit sophomoric and buffoon like, but it gives a great picture of what a strong family is.  Julius and Rochelle are in charge.  There no question about that.  The kids are loved, but aren’t bribed or coddled.  And there’s no backtalk.

Most of all, Rochelle can handle business on her own.  You don’t hear her talking about waiting for Julius to come home to help discipline the kids.  He’s working two jobs so he’s busy taking care of the financial end.  SHE runs the household and she’ll whup the boys just as quick as the girl.  She even puts Julius in check too when she needs to.  Rochelle ain’t afraid of nobody.  Even when she’s wrong, she’s right.

If you want to learn how to learn to raise your kids, watch a few episodes of “Everybody Hates Chris.”  You’ll have to look past Tyler James Williams sticking his ears out and bulging his eyes like one of those blackface-type Three Stooges episodes (“Dis House Sho Dunn Gon Crazy!), but some good lessons can be learned.

That’s a strong family right there…even if they don’t really exist.

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 831 words. It will take approximately 8 minutes, 18 secondes for reading it.

I was watching a report on ESPN about Antoine Walker, former NBA player and All-Star.  It was a sad story, really.  Life was supposed to be sweet for a 13 year veteran who made over $110 million in salary and millions more in endorsements.  You’re supposed to be able to live off that for the rest of your life.

You’re not supposed to be bouncing millions in checks to casinos and getting taken to court to settle $7 million debts. You’re not supposed to be getting taken to court by your tenants for being a slum lord not able to afford to keep up properties.  You’re not supposed to be on the brink of bankruptcy if you make $110 million. On average, that was over $8.4 million a year for Walker.  You had to mess up awfully bad to have nothing after making $8.4 million a year.

It’s always amazed me how high profile, wealthy people can be in a position to have nothing.  Walker supposedly was a very street savvy and book smart guy. He should have known better.  But I guess it can happen to anyone if they are suddenly thrust into the spotlight with millions of dollars.   “How To Manage New Money for Dummies” hasn’t come out yet, but maybe I should jump on that.

I’d start with an old Lauryn Hill lyric: “It ain’t about what you cop.  It’s about what you keep.”  (note: I miss Lauryn Hill. Lauryn, get on some Lexapro, Prozac, or something, get your head right, and come back to save music.  We need you).  Think of it this way:  If you make $5 million a year, but are spending $5 million and 1 dollars a year, you’re broke.  Then I’d continue with…

Cut Off The Leeches

Walker is a very kind heart according to the report and couldn’t say no to anyone.  Whether part of that was ego and part was sincere, only the Lord knows, but buying houses and diamond watches for family you barely know and friends that just came around to say hi is stupid.  Those are called leeches.  They only want you because you have a fat wallet. Don’t let your ego get the best of you.  Cut them off and move on.  I don’t care if I have $20 in my pocket, you won’t get bus fare if we don’t talk on a regular basis.  It just beez like that…

Stick With Your Own Kind

By kind, I mean those in your tax bracket.  Look up to those doing better than you, but don’t try to spend like them.  Walker was reportedly hanging out and gambling with Michael Jordan, making $1000 bets at the blackjack table into the wee hours of the morning.  The only problem is that Walker’s money isn’t a long as Jordan’s. It doesn’t stretch that far.  $100 million is a lot of money, but combining that with a gambling habit and trying to “keep up with the Jordan’s” will get you broke in a minute.

Defer To The Experts But Be Hands On

You’ll have business managers, managers who managers, accountants, and real estate advisers, but remember they all report to YOU because you’re cutting the check.  Be hands on.  Anyone who works for you will gladly teach you how they do things if you threaten to pull your business if they don’t.  Only a fool wouldn’t question what they do and give total control over to anyone else.  I remember reading that even when Oprah was raking in hundreds of millions (she doesn’t need a last name now; you know who she is), she was still signing her checks personally so she knew where her money was going.  She kept on top of her game, and that’s why she’s where she is.

Exercise Restraint

There’s nothing wrong with having fun and spending money, but don’t be excessive.  Do you really need those new Louie V loafers and Coach purses?  How often will you use them?  Do you really need to have all those cars? You’ve got 5 cars but 1 ass to sit on.  It woudl be smarter to put aside some money for yourself and use the rest to save and pay bills…which brings me to

Pay Yourself FIRST

Treat yourself like a bill and step up an automatic withdrawal to put a little away every payday. I don’t care if it’s $25 ever two weeks.  At the end of a year, that’s $650, which can be a nice little vacation for you if you plan.

I’m no financial guru.  I don’t know all of the in’s and out’s of the financial sector. What I do know though is common sense.  Just use your head for something other than a hat rack and you’ll be OK.  And pay your taxes.  Man up.

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 535 words. It will take approximately 5 minutes, 21 secondes for reading it.

Today we’re going to talk a little bit about “motivational fit.”  Basically it’s how well a person and a certain job or situation are suited to one another and how well people mesh in the overall environment.  You can apply this concept to your work, entrepreneurial endeavors, or your love life.

Too often we try to make things fit where they don’t.  Who knows or cares how or why things fall apart; they just do.  You have to recognize when that happens, man up, and decide whether or not you’ll stick around.  It’s not always easy, and it’s not meant to be.  Staying on the straight and narrow is a tough business, but you d0 what you’ve gotta do.

An example of this is my work with Blockstandard.com.  It’s a collaboration of individuals who wanted to pool thoughts and resources to empower others.  It’s a great concept.  However, we all didn’t have the right motivational fit.  We seemed to have different ideas of where we wanted to be and were going in all sorts of different directions, from marketing to what the focus should be to how to present that focus.   Eventually, I decided to leave the group.

Does that mean they’re bad guys who don’t know what they’re doing?  Quite the opposite.  Pledger, CZA, and Booker are all young lions with a bright future.  I wouldn’t be surprised if we were all reading about them some day doing big things.  I still read their work often for tips and insight on how to improve what I’m doing.

Just because you don’t see eye to eye and even part company doesn’t mean you have to hate and badmouth each other; that would be acting like a lil’ b*tch.  If you don’t see eye to eye, it just means that right now you’re not the right fit.  I’d go back to working with those guys in a New York minute if we could get it right.

Recognize if you’re the right fit or face dire consequences.  It can effect your money, health, and reputation.  I often hear people say that something isn’t the right fit but they’re “going down with the ship.”  That’s some bullsh*t and they’re idiots.  If you don’t feel that you’re the right fit, get off the ship as soon as possible.  That’s resources and time you could be focusing on the right fit for you.  There were a lot of dumb asses that wanted to go down with the Titanic too; they died.  Get the picture?

There’s nothing wrong with saying something isn’t working when it isn’t.  What’s wrong is not being true to y0urself and others that depend on you to give your all when you’re heart isn’t in it.

You can’t fit a round peg in a square hole.  If something isn’t working, say so and bow out gracefully.  That will save everybody a lot of unnecessary drama in the end.

Man ya punk ass up.  Feel free to comment.

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This post has 658 words. It will take approximately 6 minutes, 34 secondes for reading it.

“You’ll never get to be a man unless you get to see a man” – D.L. Hughley from his stand up performance, “Goin’ Home”

You all know by now I love sports.  Love sports.  I think they not only contribute to society, but can reveal a lot about a man’s character.  But sometimes you have to call someone out who just isn’t doing right.

Adam “Pacman” Jones, bring ya punk ass down.  I didn’t put this in the “Just Not Manly” category because of how I hope this works out.

Even if you don’t follow football, you’ve probably heard of him.  He’s had his share of troubles with the law and in general seems to be an asshole.  He’s a young man at 26, but old enough to know better. “Pacman” Jones has been in trouble with the law no less than five times, and from first hand accounts from people I’ve talked with that know and went to college with him, you should multiply that by 10 for the times he should have been.  He was suspended by the NFL and dropped from several teams, most recently the Dallas Cowboys after what seemed to be multiple opportunities to “do right.”  He just seems like a bad seed.

But I can’t put it all on him though.  I started this post with the quote by D.L. Hughley because it’s something I believe.  Jones’ father was murdered when he was 4 and he was raised by his grandmother and him mother, who I have no doubt tried to instill the best qualities they could in him.  It’s not that women don’t try or aren’t put in bad situations.  They do the best they can, but if a man isn’t a young boy’s life, whether it be an uncle, big brother, or a sports’ coach, he’s going to miss a lot.

Now couple that with the fact that he was a star football player (first team All Big East and honorable All American at West Virginia, 6th overall selection in the 2005 NFL draft) and you can guess he probably didn’t hear the word “no” too often.  His misbehavin’ was overlooked because he could intercept passes and score touchdowns.

What he needs is some tough love before it’s too late…and he just might get it.

It’s been reported by ESPN that the San Francisco 49ers are interested in signing Adam Jones. That means he’ll be playing under Hall of Fame Chicago Bears middle linebacker and current 49ers head coach Mike Singletary.    Mike “Samurai” Singletary.  If Jones never got to see a man before, he will now.  I honestly hope the 49ers do sign Jones, and for more than his football prowess.

Singletary is old school.  I mean old school.  He’s known for his hard nosed, take-no-sh*t attitude. When his best offensive player, tight end Vernon Davis, wanted to showboat and cost the team a penalty, he not only sent Davis to the bench, but threw him off the field and sent him to the showers.  Singletary’s philosophy is that no one, not even himself, is above the team and no one will derail what they are trying to accomplish.

It will be love under new management for Jones.  Tough love.  No nonsense love.  Mess-up-and-I’ll-kick-your-ass-all-over-the-field love.

Jones needs that.  A lot of other kids need that too.  They need a man in there lives.  If I could give any advice to Jones, it would be to listen to what Coach Singletary has to say, if just for self preservation. He’s not going to coddle you.  He can help finally make you into a man.

If things work out for Jones, he’ll see a man on the sidelines every day with a headset on directing plays, starting at training camp. Good luck, Pacman.

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 833 words. It will take approximately 8 minutes, 19 secondes for reading it.

If you give me two weeks, I can change your life, for better for for worse.  I’m not kidding and I’m not starting an advertising campaign for a cheesy infomercial. I’m talking about creating a habit.

It takes about two weeks to change a goal (something you want to do) create a habit (something you do subconsciously and without any effort).  Two weeks.  Two weeks of solid dedication, whether positive or negative.  You might be questioning “negative dedication”, but all you have to do is look at a smoker that is willing to brave -5 degree weather to rush outside on their break to puff a few drags off a Newport.  That’s dedication for your ass.

Adding or deleting certain things from your life can be tough, but it can all be done in time.  All it really takes it two weeks, and honestly, I don’t care what it is.  Can you put down a cigarette for two weeks to stop smoking?  Can you go to the gym for two weeks straight to lose weight?  Can you stop eating meat for two weeks straight to lower your cholesterol?  Can you tell your subordinates “thank you” for two weeks straight to show them you appreciate them?

Would you be willing to stick to something for two weeks if it could help you?

It’s the concept of “will power”.  It’s not something that can be taught or given.  You have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone for about two weeks until it become a habit.  Then it becomes something as natural as locking your front door when you leave the house.  It becomes second nature.

Here’s a few tips on how to build a habit:

Write It Down

Write down what you are going to do (i.e. – I’m going to go to the gym).  Write it down every day before you do that activity.  Put it up on your calendar and “X” out the day when you’re done.

If you use the Calendar in your PDA or Microsoft Office, that can be a great reminder to do it.

Keep It Consistent

Every day, at the same time, in the same way.  We’re trying to build a pattern and a process.  For at least those first two weeks, there should be no variation.  Do it exactly the same way over and over and over.  Repetition is the key here.

Use The Buddy System

Tell a friend about what you want to do and ask them to keep you honest.  A true friend would be more than willing to help you out.  Their job is to make sure you complete the two weeks without a missing a day.  Whenever they, talk to you, they should make sure to mention your goal.

Get Creative, Especially When It’s Tough

You may need to be inventive when it comes to keeping a habit on track.  For example, I wanted to start exercising before work at about 5am because I got re-railed during the day and didn’t get to go in the evening.  I got through the first few days fine, but then it got a little tough dragging my ass out of bed at 430 AM.

Soooo, I decided I couldn’t brush my teeth until after I got back from the gym.  Yep, I said it.

Now, I couldn’t go to work without brushing my teeth, so logically, I had to go to the gym before going to work.  It was tough and I didn’t talk to anyone at the gym, but in about two weeks, getting up at 430 AM was second nature to me.

The “Why”

You need to focus on the “why”, or the reason you want to move towards your goal. For me, working out (or as the “The Situation” would say, “workin’ on my fitness”) is a way to stay healthy and maintain my sexy.

(Note: Yes, I watched the Jersey Shore. I tried to fight it, but it was like watching a train wreck.  You hated to see the carnage, but you had to watch the crash.  For those of you that don’t like Man Among Boys, “if hatin’ if your occupation, I probably got a full time job for you.”  “The Situation” was the man.)

That’s my “why”.  It might not work for you and you shouldn’t be taking it from me anyway.  Your personal goals are your own and you need to find your own path to make it into a habit.

If you can man up for two weeks and dedicate yourself, you can make your goals a habit.  It will be a rough two weeks, but in the end, you’ll find it becomes second nature and you’ll be a step closer to making yourself a better person.

…like me.  You can catch me in the gym at 5 AM…workin’ on my fitness.

Feel free to comment.

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This post has 339 words. It will take approximately 3 minutes, 23 secondes for reading it.

I’m reading a book about called “Mojo: How To Get It, How To Keep It, How To Get It Back If You Lose It” by Marshall Goldsmith.  It’s a pretty good read.  It talks a lot about motivational fit and making sure the job or situation you have is one that you’re skilled for and that brings you personal satisfaction.

There’s also a very interesting quote in the book that deals with handling troubling situations.  There’s the manly way to do it, to meet it head on and “handle your business.”

Or there’s the Toyota way…

The quote is “You can’t diffuse a bomb once it’s gone off.”

Toyota had a chance to diffuse their bomb recently but instead chose to point the finger.  When multitudes of people are telling you that there’s a problem with your product, you can either address it or you can point the finger back and say it’s “user error” (hate that term).  Toyota did the latter, saying their customers imagined it.  Now the bomb has gone off and it’s too late.

From here on out, Toyota will always be met with skepticism.  They can put out the best cars in the world, but the public will always be leery.  They might not be able to recover from this in the court of public opinion.  Instead of handling their business, they wimped out, and now, they have a sh*tstorm on their hands.

This applies to you too.  As a man, handle your business, or you may never be able to regain the trust you’ve lost. It’s always better to get in front of something and try to diffuse it early than to hid and deal with it later.  Whether it be from a bill collector, a disappointed kid, or a spouse whose birthday you forgot, grow a set, man up and get in front of it…

…because once the bomb goes off, it’s too late.

Feel free to comment.

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Afternoon, Man Among Boys readers.  Instead of giving you a blog today, I want to tell you about a new collaboration called Block Standard (www.blockstandard.com).

Block Standard is a collective of like-minded and like mission men who decided to pool their individual insights into one blog for the immediate dissemination of information that enables you to improve your money-making capabilities. You’re going to get a lot of different views from different people from a lot of different angles, each building on the other.

The goal is to empower you with knowledge.  What you do with it is completely up to you.

Block Standard…“Redefine Your Corner”

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This post has 335 words. It will take approximately 3 minutes, 21 secondes for reading it.

I was at a dinner party this a few weeks with some former co-workers and old friends.  We had a few drinks, sat around and started talking sh*t about all the world’s problems, one of which being…men.  Not the typical-woman-man-hating-wanting-to-castrate men but more asking where have all the real men gone.  We started jumping from dating to education to fashion, and skinny jeans came up…

…so you know I jumped all on that.  And if you have to guess which side of the issue I stand on, you are not TrueMan Approved and should leave this blog now.

Our host disagreed with my views and said that it was just fashion and who was I to question what was “manly.”

I wanted to say, “Who am I??!  Who am I?!!  Dammit, I’m TrueMan, the standard to which other men are measured, and if anything I’ve said about skinny jeans offends anyone on the face of the planet, then take them out ya gotdamn closet and burn them!”

However, I kept it simple…”If not me…then who?”

There have to be bare minimums.  There have to be standards.  There have to be degrees of what a man does and what a man doesn’t do.  And there has to be someone to enforce them.  That’s where I come in…

There has to be someone to stand up for truth, justice, and the manly way.  And since no one has stood up to say things like men wearing silk scarfs, skinny jeans, and most important, anything associated with Kanye West are not manly, then dammit, I’ll step into the phone booth, change in TrueMan, and fly off to combat unmanliness wherever I see it.

A man will stand up for his belief, even if no one will stand up with him.  So dammit, I’m standing up against skinny jeans.

To my fellow men reading this blog, I ask you…who will stand with me?

Feel free to comment.

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