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I was enjoying my morning workout at the hotel I was staying at and watching a CNN news piece to make the time go by on my cross trainer. They had a very interesting story that marries two of my favorite subjects: technology and relationships.
They conducted a survey of over 2000 people and over 47% said they’d ended a relationship (“broke up” as we used to say back in the day) with someone through electronic media. Email, changing their Facebook status…some even used Twitter. Can you imaging a Tweet going out about you getting dumped for all of your friends to read?
What kind of punk sh*t is that? Not only is that unmanly, it might get you shot.
Grow a backbone. We all have relationships that end. It happens to the best of us. The way that we handle it may determine if you will still be friends, or even “friends with benefits” if you handle your business right.
Call her and tell her you need to talk with her. I wouldn’t recommend a public place because you never know how she might react and then you’ll both look like fools if she shows her ass in a crowded restaurant. Meet her at her place so you have the option to leave quickly if you need to. You might even want to keep your car running outside.
Follow a few simple rules and you’ll get through this:
Rehearse
It’s a good idea to rehearse exactly what you’re going to say so you don’t fumble through things. The worst thing you can do is to leave gaps for her to interrupt and try to sneak a few things in there.
Be direct
Pussy-footin’ around the issue won’t make things better. If you leave her an out, she’ll take it as you still wanting to be with her and that you still have a chance to make things work. Let her know that you don’t want the relationship anymore and that you should go your separate ways.
Don’t get emotional
Emotions can be an out for her to think things still have a chance. Don’t hold her hand while you tell her or sit too close. That goodbye kiss is out. Treat it like a business meeting; keep to the agenda and keep it brief. I don’t want to say to be cold, but if you have to be cold to be honest, go that route. The slightest sign of weakness can turn a break-up into a cry fest.
Avoid the word “but”
Read this sentence: I really don’t think we are going to work, but I enjoyed the time we had together. What did you take away from that? Probably that I’m enjoying the time with you. The words “but” and “however” are what I call a “message killers.” Everything said before them is negated and forgotten about.
You can’t tell a woman “I think you look like Halle Berry, but that dress doesn’t work for your figure.” In her eyes, you just said she needs to change, or worse, called her fat (we’ve all done and regretted that, fellas). Avoid “message killers” as much as possible.
The Other Woman
I don’t know how some of your simple asses keep falling for this one.
If you are leaving her for someone else, leave that sh*t out! It is not her business to know why you’re leaving and you don’t want it to be. I don’t care what she says to you or if she keeps telling you that it’s ok to tell her the truth. Hell no. Your dumb ass will catch a right hook so fast you won’t see it coming. She will curse you for the rest of your life and do whatever she can out of spite to make life miserable. Trust me on this.
Just do what I tell you and you’ll get through this unscathed. If you choose not to listen, that’s fine…just watch for the hook.
Feel free to comment.
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New York Time
If someone breaks up with me through social media I might not find out for 2 weeks. I don’t check or even have all that crap like everyone else.
I agree be direct is the best way. I try to make sure I don’t have any emotion mad or sad. Also, you forgot to tell them even if you execute the TrueMan rules perfectly you still might get a cry fest. Women are unpredictable when they have to deal with the ending of the relationship.
Do what my boy did! Invite her to happy hour and get the waitress to send her a drink with a break up note on it. Nawww that’s if you want to be cruel about it because that woman was looking around for him like she wanted to kill him.
LOL @ FreeMan, “..I might not find out for 2 weeks.” Haha, that would be really crappy wouldn’t it. Walking around for two weeks completely clueless.
Anyway, you’re speaking the truth TrueMan. We can’t use the “buts” and “howevers” those are signs of hope and weakness.
As always entertaining and insightful.
Damn, that happy hour method is cold…yet effective.
That’s one I might have to store in the back of my mental Rolodex.
Why thank you Ms. Nikks. I bet you never had to go through that though. I’ll bet the fellas just fall at your feet, you cute young thing, you
You know I like your methodology here. This is definitely a good intro course for someone who needs schooling on the task. But as an old vet of many battles, I prefer to go with the old Jedi Mind Trick.
It’s always best to make her believe it’s her idea. Now I’m not saying that’s in any way easy (this ain’t for beginners) and it usually takes some planning over a period of weeks. Basically, you have to subtlety turn into everything she doesn’t like without even acknowledging that anything is wrong. The huge upside is that because of a woman’s ego, if she thinks breaking up was her idea, she won’t stalk you or try to screw up your life in other ways. The downside is that sooner or later she’ll start thinking that because breaking up was “her idea” she’ll think she can have you back whenever she wants. That’s why you have to get ghost on her. That’s a whole nother topic, but something else I’ve mastered over the years.
Thanks, Greenbacker. I’m just trying to keep cats from getting their cars keyed up or worse. That’s not a bad idea of making her think it’s her idea. Let her talk sh*t to her girlfriends about what a loser you are. What do you care?
Great advice I hope some people take heed…lol
It can save a guy a lot of ass whuppins. I’m just trying to do my part to make the world a better place
You are nothing but True to your name Trueman!
Bless your heart, If you use that happy hour thing I want to warn you that not only will you get a right hook it might be followed with a left as well …lol
Freeman, I would hope that anyone who is with you would know that u never check your stuff, and not have u out there thinking she’s your cheese pizza and she went and got her a new pizza man.
Trueman your theory would work I guess, BUT you forgot about the ones who wont get “IT’S OVER” you may need to change your number… and tattoo it across your forehead… No matter what you do or how you break up with someone.. you can never predict how someone will take it. Some people will never get It’s over!
It they don’t get it’s over, I just fill out a restraining order. I’ve done it before and will do it again…
I don’t know your situation but if there is anyway to salvage this marriage I would suggest looking into that. If you think your lonely now wait till it is really over and your on your own. Not saying you can’t love again, but saying that you both once loved each other. Is it really to late? Only when you have done everything you can to try and fix this can you really walk away with a clear heart and mind. Yet again I don’t know the situation but have to tell you I have been with my husband over 10 years now, we have been through hell and back and we made it. I would be happy to talk to you in email if you like. There are personal things I won’t share in here know what I mean. I work with Women’s Organizations and have seen the impossible happen. My heart goes out to you. But to answer the question yes you can go on and your not a failure. Failing at anything is life does not make us a failure. It is refusing to get up and try again that we become failures, and that statement is in general not pertaining to your marriage. This is like a death what your going through. Yes you can rebuild your self-esteem and thrive in life. It is a process and you have to let yourself feel, and move through the pain. (Big hug)
Uh…thanks. Never said i was a failure and it’s all her fault. She’s missing out.