Close to 20 years ago, at the age of 23, I began a career in teaching and coaching. I was so excited to coach football as so many of my greatest memories from childhood involved sports, what I learned about life through sports, and the many great and even not so great men who taught them to me. There is so much I have learned from those years that I still use today. I am so grateful for all the dads and moms that volunteer their time investing in our kids, but I see the importance in training youth coaches. I will be working to provide some resources, articles, stories, interviews, and guest articles on my website to help these leaders (website coming real soon!).
There is a term I use when coaching younger boys, “Flip the Switch.” If I have coached any of your boys, then they have heard this phrase from me. Flipping the switch is that moment when a boy mentally realizes he has a drive inside of him that pushes his own limits. He realizes that there is a competitive drive inside of him and that he actually has control of the level he can rise to. I believed that I coined this term until recently I was rewatching a great movie from my childhood, “Over The Top.” In the movie, Sylvester Stallone taught his son about flipping the switch. My mind was blown! Further proof of how 80’s movies influenced the development of young boys; ha!
Up to this point, before flipping the switch, a coach, dad, or mom is usually the motivator for the boy. Therefore, you see a lot of intensity and raised voices. If they are doing it correctly, they are motivating the boy without shaming him. As is true in any situation, if this adult is a good leader, they know the limits to push based on the individual. A good coach and leader will know that he cannot lead and motivate every single boy the exact same way. Because a boy is the same age as others does not mean he is at the same stage in this process, nor does it mean that every boy has the same upbringing or experiences that have molded him thus far. Moms, if the coach’s intent is correct, he is not trying to hurt feelings, he is trying to develop one of the most vital cognitive tools that your boy will need as a man. In a future article, I will discuss signs to look for in a coach to know if he is helping or hurting your son in this process.
This moment happens at different ages for boys. I remember flipping the switch as an 8th grade football player. We had a young coach that season. He was probably the same age as I was when I started coaching and may have even been his first season. I was an “in-betweener” that year. I was not fast enough to be a skill guy and was not big enough to be a lineman. In those cases, you are automatically a lineman. For whatever reason, this coach made me his project that season, and he motivated and pushed me like I had never been pushed before. I ended up starting at Offensive Tackle. I was the smallest guy on the O-line but my heart and mind did not know that. The level he caused me to play at that year set me on a new course for the rest of my life. With his help, I flipped the switch that season. At the end of the year awards assembly, he presented me with an “Offensive Lineman of the Year” award. That tiny little pin is still one of my favorite treasures. It probably cost a nickel to make but it represents an important piece of my journey toward manhood. I believe that coach left our school that next year. Coach Watters, wherever you are, thank you for seeing something in a young boy and taking the time to invest in him.
It is unfortunate that I meet men now that I am not sure they have ever flipped the switch. If that is you, put yourself in some situations or around some other men who will push your limits. Others can help you get there, but you are the only one who can access that switch in your brain and flip it on. Dads, be patient with your boys when they are young. You may see other kids getting “it” before your son does. That is ok. If they are being developed correctly, it will happen. Remember, you can not flip the switch for him. You can only help him get there.
