I will start by asking three questions. Do you Pray? Do you know how to pray? Do you want your son to be a man who prays? Please answer these three questions honestly within yourself. If your answer is no to any of these, then hopefully by the end of this you will have a better understanding of why prayer is an essential practice for you to teach your son. Nehemiah models for us how a man should pray. He greatly understood the importance of prayer and from his book in the Bible we see that it was an important part of his decision-making process as a leader. If you missed part one, then you can click below to begin there and to find out why I am providing this essential series to dads.
Bridging the Gap. Part 1: Who Are You?
Back Story
In the previous article we found out that Nehemiah wept, mourned, fasted, and prayed many days upon hearing the news that his people were in great distress. “Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire (Nehemiah 1:3 NIV).” These people were the remnants of those that had escaped death but were taken captive to serve the king of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar. Under the reign of Cyrus the king of Persia, these Israelites were freed to return to Jerusalem. This book now takes place under the reign of Artaxerxes, King of Persia, whom Nehemiah served as cupbearer. Nehemiah would be approaching the king to ask for permission to leave and lead his people in rebuilding the city walls surrounding Jerusalem.
How to Pray
I understand that some reading this may have been turned off right after reading the title. Hopefully you are still with us. You may not believe in, understand, or even care about prayer. Some may care, but do not know how as you have never had a man provide the example. Others reading may have an established life of prayer and could vouch for why it so essential to pray and to include this with the many priorities on our lists of what to teach our sons. Even if you do not believe in prayer, please stick with us as I believe you will still be encouraged with these principles.
After reading that Nehemiah spent days fasting and praying, we are shown the words that he prayed to God. Upon studying this prayer many years ago, I broke these words into four parts. I did this for myself to teach me how to pray, not knowing that I would one day share this with others. I believe that Nehemiah gave a simple outline to us to follow as we speak to the Lord and use as an example to teach our sons to establish a lifestyle of prayer. Here we go…
Section One: Praise and Humility
“Then I said: ‘Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel.’” Nehemiah 1:5-6 NIV
Nehemiah knew who he was talking to. He was talking to his Lord. He was accustomed to addressing those in high rank above him as he served in the presence of King Artaxerxes, and therefore fully understood the importance of showing praise, recognition, and honor before addressing those who ruled over him. We see this in chapter 2:3 when Nehemiah speaks to the king. Before answering the king’s question, Nehemiah, says these words, “…I said to the king, ‘May the king live forever!’” This is how he let the king know that he honored his authority before speaking directly to the matter. Of course, he would show this same, in fact greater, respect to his heavenly Father. He used his words to express his humility before his God. He did this by recognizing God in two different ways; who He is and what He does. He calls Him, “Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God.” This is who He is. He then says, “Who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments.” Here he addresses Him as what He does. When you pray, honor God by beginning your prayers with an acknowledgement of who He is to you and what He has done in your life.
Section Two: Confession of Sin
“I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s family, have committed against you. We have acted very wickedly toward you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.” Nehemiah 1:6-7 NIV
We all sin. Most likely we are guilty of this every day, or at least I will admit that I am. Thankfully, I serve a God, a Father, who desires to forgive me, discipline me, and correct me. This is all in love by the way, just as you, as a dad, should feel this same way toward your son. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your son asked you to forgive him and steer him toward a disciplined and better path? It does not always happen this way, but we can still model this as we ask our Father for forgiveness of our shortcomings. Confessing sin is just that, an admission that we do not always know best, and we need guidance. Again, something that we would love for our children to do in our presence. Nehemiah knew the importance of approaching the Lord with a pure heart. This was another sign of completely humbling himself before a “great and awesome God.”
Section Three: Speaking the Word
“Remember the instruction you gave your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations,but if you return to me and obey my commands, then even if your exiled people are at the farthest horizon, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place I have chosen as a dwelling for my Name.” Nehemiah 1:8-9 NIV
It blesses me so greatly when I hear one of my son’s say, “Dad, remember when you taught us…” Man! Knowing my sons have heard my words and then to recall them to me is such a wonderful feeling. Dads always wonder if their sons are listening, so when you get some proof, it is very special. This is the same with God. He gave us His Word and He has promised to be faithful to it. Speak His words back to Him in prayer. First off, read the Bible. Then stand upon His promises and even pray them. Many times, we ask God to do things that He has already told us He will do. He wants you to pray these things with faith rather than with hesitation and reluctance. Nehemiah reminded the Lord that He already promised what He would do for His people.
Section Four: Petition
“They are your servants and your people, whom you redeemed by your great strength and your mighty hand. Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man.” Nehemiah 1:10-11
Out of reverence before his God, Nehemiah went through these three things, praise, confession, and recalling His Word, before he even got to his own request. He petitioned on behalf of the Lord to grant him favor. Nehemiah would be going before the king to ask permission to leave and help his people and he knew he needed great favor. This favor is the kind only God could give. Is it ok to ask God for things? Of course it is. God is not a genie. He does not grant us wishes, but rather he hears our requests. He moves on behalf of what is best for us. You may be in a place, and I know a lot of men are, where you feel like you are not worthy of petitioning the Lord. You may feel ashamed of the life you have lived and feel that it is either worthless or you are embarrassed. Nothing pleases Him more than praying a prayer like this one and bringing your needs before Him.
A Life of Prayer
Nehemiah’s prayer was not something he did because he was down in the dumps, hard pressed, or at his wit’s end. He lived with prayer as a part of his daily life. He regularly prayed right in the midst of dealing with immediate decisions and even threats. How many of us would have the wherewithal to turn to immediate help in this way? This is evidenced several times in the book. In 2:4-5 we see that Nehemiah said a prayer before he answered the king’s question, “Then I prayed to the God of heaven and I answered the king…(NIV).” In 4:4-5, he prayed to God as Sanballat was right in his face opposing the rebuilding of the wall, “Hear us, O our God, for we are despised. Turn their insults back on their own heads (NIV).” Upon hearing that the opposers were returning to fight them and cause trouble, we read, “But we prayed to God and posted guard day and night to this threat (4:9 NIV).” Upon further opposition, Nehemiah prayed, “Now strengthen my hands (6:9 NIV)” and, “Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, O my God, because of what they have done; remember also the prophetess Noadiah and the rest of the prophets who have been trying to intimidate me (6:14 NIV).”
I will always remember interviewing a young woman for a teaching position when I was a high school administrator. Every time we asked a question, she would allow several seconds to pass before she would respond. She sat confidently but the quietness was somewhat awkward. When she did respond, her words were very well spoken with poise and conviction. After she left, the other administrator and I talked about how we respected that she had the self-assurance to take time gathering her complete thoughts before she spoke. I will never know for sure, but I always believed that she was practicing the same thing Nehemiah did when he was faced with questions, opposition, or threats; he prayed. He prayed in the moment. He did not care if it seemed unusual or created an uncomfortable silence. Prayer was such an integral part of his life, and he invoked the Lord’s wisdom and guidance as much as he could.
I have asked to pray for many people in many different settings. No one has ever turned down my offer to pray with them. I work in a rough construction environment and have prayed with some of the toughest, rugged, and hard men. They immediately soften when I ask if I can pray for their situation. I assume that most people see the hard shell that these men construct. But I see the boy inside who has been hurt. I know not everyone reading this shares my faith, but my experiences tell me that most men desire to pray. They just do not know how or believe they are worthy to. If this is you, then you are the reason I decided to write this lesson. I do not care if I lose some people for sharing this one. And I will admit I did struggle at first. I am not trying to brand myself as a minister. I am not, nor do I desire to be. My calling in life is to reach men. Not Christian men. Not religious men. Just men. I am just a man talking to any and every man, father, out there who will listen. We may not agree on everything, but I will share the things I know, believe in, and am passionate about. As I said in Part 1 of this series, “I cannot help speaking about what I have seen and heard.” If you are a dad who wants to raise a son who knows how to pray for his own family one day, then start first with your own prayer life. The more you pray, the bolder you will become in all aspects of being a man and father. One day you will begin praying with your son, modeling for him one of the greatest practices you can ever teach him.
Prayer does not have to, nor does it need to take a long time. You may feel like spending more time in prayer on occasions, but God hears your whole heart even when few words are spoken. Start with this simple outline that we learned from the great leader Nehemiah:
1. Begin with humility by praising Him for who He is and what He has done.
2. Come before Him with a repentant, remorseful, heart. Do this by confessing sin and asking for forgiveness. We men have a hard time saying we are sorry and admitting wrongdoing, but remember, He already knows anyway.
3. If you read the Bible, speak His Word. Pray things that He has already spoken and promised to us. Find scriptures that you believe can have an impact on your life and pray those over you and your family.
4. Bring your requests and needs before the Lord. He wants this and nothing delights Him more than seeing His people coming to Him for guidance.
Thank you for sticking around to the end. I believe this is a paramount principle in raising your son; teaching him how to pray. I began this with three questions. If you answered no to any of those, I pray this message will help turn them to yesses. Nehemiah has taught me several lessons on being a leader, and I have used these standards to become a better husband and father. I hope they can further you as well in your journey toward being a stronger Man Among Boys.
