“What did I do right?” This was a question that my dad asked me many years ago. I hope he was not asking out of insecurity or regret, as he would have no need to. I know that he was just doing what every father probably does when their son is a grown man. He was most likely wondering if all his sacrifice, hard work, lessons, and even his shortcomings were enough to get me where I needed to be. Now having a grown son, he wanted, maybe even needed, to know if I felt he did things right. Of course, being me, I had to answer him with a typed-up story elaborating my thoughts and memories. In an effort, on Father’s Day, to encourage you dads out there to always keep trying, I want to share a glimpse of what I gave my dad to answer his question, “What did I do right?”
My dad was 19 years old when I was born. He was a teenager; a kid with a bright future and the whole world ahead of him. He was not far removed from the high school hero that ran the winning touchdown in over-time to win the state championship; wing right, 49 quick-pitch for 14 yards and the gold ball. When he found out my 18-year-old mom was pregnant, he made a choice that he has assured me many times (and I have asked many times over the years) that was a no-brainer, no regrets and never-look back decision. He chose to be a dad. He left the University of Oklahoma and took physical labor jobs to put me and my mom first. About leaving school, he always told me, “Ahh, it wasn’t for me anyway.” Such a “good” dad thing to say. He laid down his life for us.
It was important to my dad to show my brother and I what being a man really meant. He taught us to be gentlemen by treating women with respect. He did this by the way he treated Mom. He once, after busting my rear, gave me a four-hour lecture on how I was to treat women. I pushed my mom because I was upset. I never made that mistake again! He taught us to stand up for ourselves. We were to always be kind and respectful to others while at the same time not allowing people to run over us. He taught us important things like firmly shaking hands, opening doors for ladies, saying please and thank you, looking people in the eye, standing up straight, working outdoors, and sweating. Boy did we sweat! I have such a great appreciation for sweat. Sweat, for me, represents achieving goals, satisfaction, accomplishment, admiration for work and so much more. He taught us how a man finds value in hard work.
He also used that same hard work to show us love. He worked a physically stressful job for decades to make sure we were taken care of. I am incredibly grateful for that. I believe that work ethic is a lot of why I have so much drive and passion for things. Often, my passion can be a little overwhelming to those around me. Thankfully, I have an outlet; writing. He taught me that a man does not complain. I never heard him complain about working hard for his family. My brother and I were shown the importance of working with our hands. Due to this, we do not call someone every time something needs fixed. My wife says that it makes her feel taken care of knowing I can usually quickly fix anything around the house. It is not about knowing how to do things, but rather the willingness to try and learn. I think every woman deep down really desires for her husband to at least try.
He instilled in me a great respect for authority. Once in kindergarten, a girl threw sand at me. Naturally, I poured sand on top of her head to return the gesture. A teacher saw me, and the next thing I knew I was getting swats from the principal. My dad always told me that if I got in trouble at school, I would get disciplined at home. He proved it that day. When he got home from work, I had my side of the story ready to go. The funny thing is, he never asked for my side of the story. He just followed true on his word and busted my rear (I could write a lot about getting my rear busted)! To all you dads (and moms) reading this, as a former high school principal, I am begging you to pick up on this lesson!
Above all else, the greatest thing he did right was to model the importance of having a relationship with God. From an early age I understood that I have a Creator who made me and has a purpose for my life. We went to church, we prayed, and we honored God in our home. He and my mom created a family with strong biblical values. He did not compromise and give in when my friends were allowed to do things that I was not. As a dad myself now, I know this is not always easy. Often, men must “do the hard thing.”
My dad is far from perfect. He raised a son who is far from perfect. I am raising three boys who are far from perfect. I believe knowing and accepting that is what allows us to succeed. It gives us permission to try things and to fail, then get back up and fail again, and again, and again, until we get it right. Dads, you do not have to be perfect. You just need to be a dad…every single day. My dad was there. I believe that is why I can reflect on all these things and share them with you. He did not get everything right, but he was there, and he gave his best. He never quit trying when he failed. He tried again, and again, and again.
Dads, never quit trying. Happy Father’s Day.
