Life’s lessons come to us in many different ways. They come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they follow a specific routine through experiences or coming of age. Some lessons we all learn, some we do not. Some lessons are taught to us by a parent or someone we look up to. Some are discovered through positive experiences while others are the result of negative consequences. Hopefully, all lessons are beneficial to us in some way. As a dad, I thought that all lessons my sons would be learning as young boys would be ones that I had already learned through my journey. In this case, I was wrong. I did not even know this was a lesson.
One evening, my wife and I were trying have a moment to visit about the day. By visit, I really mean defragging, as I call it. During this season of our lives, I was a high school administrator in charge of discipline. Defragging was essential to clear my mind and enjoy my time with family. As all parents know, this is extremely difficult if young children are, well…awake. At this time, my two oldest sons were around 6 and 4 years old. We decided we could stick them in the bathtub together while leaving the door open. The bathroom was just a few steps away from the living room in our quaint 1400 square foot home. We could easily hear everything that was going on in the tub.
As my wife and I conversed, the boys’ voices and giggling served as nothing more than white noise in the background. That is until we heard this phrase from our younger son,
“I’m going to pee on you.”
I have no clue what we were discussing but what I do remember is how we froze, staring at each other like deer in headlights. We did not move as we were trying to process what was said and were also trying to gain some quick context for the situation. As we sat perked and ready to pounce, this is what we heard next. Our older son’s voice yelled out,
“AAAAAHHHHHH…You peed in my mouth!”
I exploded out of my chair and was standing in the bathroom in about 0.2 seconds. My eldest was sitting down crying while my second born was standing facing him. I yelled, “What did you do?” In a matter-of-fact tone, he stated, “I told him I was going to pee on him if he didn’t move.”
I snatched him up soaking wet and carried him to his room. I said, “Wait here.” He knew what that meant. That meant I would be back with the “spanking spoon.” What immediately processed in my son’s mind was not what he had done. He had zero thoughts about the pee in his brother’s mouth. Rather, the only thing consuming his little brain was the fact that he was about to get spanked with no clothes on. As I shut his door and made my way to the kitchen for the wooden cooking spoon, my son screamed a few words that has and forever will remain a part of who he is. This phrase will provide a conversation piece when he brings home his first date, when we toast him at his wedding, and when I get to tell stories to his children one day. Ayden, over and over and over yelled,
“But Daddy, I’m naked!…But Daddy, I’m naked!…”
By the time I made it back to his room he had probably yelled this about fifteen times. The only words I said to him when I opened his door now serves as a very unique lesson that we can all learn from:
“Don’t get in trouble while you’re naked!”
