“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.” Mark 1:35 NKJV
Do you have a solitary place? Do you intentionally get up early? Do you pray? For me, the answer to these questions is yes. It is “yes” only because it absolutely has to be. I humbly recognize that I would not be able to be the man I desire to be if the answer to these questions were “no.” Every man must find a place to process his thoughts, relieve stress, and be creative.
Men tend to be more reserved when it comes to what is going on internally. In general, we process alone. I encourage every man reading this to learn to be more open with your wife or to find trusted men that you can process life together with. Although that is very important, I still cherish and need alone time every day. I have heard it said from men that they are “afraid to be alone with my thoughts.” Does this hit home? This might be true for you if you find yourself constantly needing outside noise (television, music, podcasts, conversations, etc…). These external voices help us to avoid thinking about the internal battles that wage war inside of us.
Those internal battles are real. For many of us, they are so real, that the external voices are not enough to help us escape. We turn to other things, such as alcohol, drugs, pornography, or a number of other ways to escape reality (including the new porn consuming young men…gaming). These numb our senses and give us an escape from reality. When we give control of our mind over to these things we do not have to think about, be accountable for, or take responsibility for the things going on around us. In other words, we do not have to “be a man.”
Be a Man. Be Creative
If you are a man reading this, then I encourage you to be just that, A MAN. Stop escaping reality. Take your thoughts head on. Quit taking a back seat to life. You were not meant to ride shotgun on your journey. You are supposed to be the driver. Instead of numbing your senses with external things, allowing them to control you, begin leading yourself from the inside out. I blame the majority of what is going on in the world today on men handing over their inner control to external devices. We are no longer selfless husbands, present fathers, and bold influencers. The people we are supposed to support, lead, and love are confused and hurting. They do not know who they are, why they were created, or how to love and accept who they are. They are victims, they are disoriented, they are confused, and they are angry. Again, I blame men. We were created, by a Creator, to be creative. Being creative is infused in our very being. We have exchanged our creativity for pain numbing mindlessness. So, what is the answer?
Step 1: A Solitary Place
I believe Step 1 of the answer is this; find a solitary place. Since the beginning of time, men (and women) cherished time alone with their thoughts and/or with their Creator. We admire the great thinkers and philosophers of old or of the Bible. We follow their teachings, but do not model their behavior. These people had solitary places. Jesus, the perfect man, went to solitary places. He found time and places to be alone. If he needed it, then we definitely do! If you are more of a superhero fan, then here is one for you; Clark Kent did not escape his confusion and understand who he was and why he was here without the Fortress of Solitude. There he found his true identity. He discovered who he was; Kal-El, aka Superman.
Important Side Note: Forgive Yourself
If you are a man who is afraid to be alone with himself, then I urge you to forgive yourself for whatever it is that is causing you to retreat. I am not making light of this as I know that for a man, forgiving himself may be the strongest thing he ever has to do. You cannot be who you desire to be for others if you are at war with yourself. You were created to be good with good qualities and good intentions and purposes. If circumstances or wrong decisions have led you to this point, then I encourage you that those good qualities are still inside of you waiting to be tapped into. No matter what has happened to you or because of you, you can begin today to find your true self.
Know Who You Are
I heard Craig Groeschel, many years ago, say, “When you know who you are, you know what to do.” I have instilled this into my sons as I believe this is the largest attack on men today. Men do not know what to do because they do not know who they are. You will not ever know who you are until you learn to find a solitary place and find what I call “Creative Time.” For me, this is time that I spend alone doing what my Creator created me to do; be creative. I pray, I think, I write. I do this every day. There was a long and dark season for me that I too did not like myself. I realized the things that I am writing about today and I took on the very daunting task of tackling my inner thoughts. I have realized who I am and now know what to do. I am humble and grateful for the opportunity to share with men, especially men raising the next generation of men, around the world now many of those inner thoughts, failures, and victories. In a short time, just months from launching my website, parts of my story and journey have reached men from multiple countries around the world. It just serves as confirmation of the vision I wrestled with for ten years. And it would not have happened if I did not find my solitary place.
Where is Your Solitary Place?
I cannot answer this question for you. Answering this question is part of your journey. You find it. You create it. In talking about this with others, I heard one man say that sitting in his chair while his kids played on the floor was his. Although I cannot relate, I loved this. Knowing his family was safe and, in his presence, provided him a place of calm and creativity. For the majority of us, we actually need a place that is removed from others. If you are a hunter, then you already know yours. There is nothing like being in nature listening to the sounds of the breeze hitting the trees and the animals moving around. It may be a park near your house, a separate room in your home, the back porch, or let’s be honest, men, maybe it’s the bathroom, ha! I find my most creative time outside. I get up early every morning and go for a run. It is dark and no one else is out and about. I do not put in headphones. I use the natural sounds of the neighborhoods and streets as white noise and I pray and focus on my thoughts. Then I come home and write. That is my solitary place and it is so important and cherished that I find a way to win the biggest struggle we face everyday; getting up when the alarm goes off.
Men, you can do it. You can still become the man you were created to be. But, you cannot do it without a solitary place.
Without the Fortress of Solitude there is no Superman. Without the Garden of Gethsemane, there may be no cross. Without (fill in the blank), there may be no YOU.
