“When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.” John 21:9 NIV
When my two oldest boys were very young, I visited a friend at his home. He was older than me with children who were already adults and out of the home. I looked up to him as a very good father as his children were known for their outstanding character. As we walked around his property, he said, “Hey, come here. I want to show you something.” We walked to an area that was about 100 feet from his front porch. In the ground, I saw an old porcelain bathtub. He said, “Do you see that? I buried that tub many years ago when my kids were little. I made a firepit out of it. It was one of the most important things I’ve ever done as a father.” I asked what he meant. He explained that he was tired of all the things that were vying for his family’s attention. He wanted something that would draw his family together and provide an atmosphere where his children wanted to share their lives through conversation with him.
He told me that he never made his kids come outside to the fire. He would just walk out of the house, start a fire, and sit down. He said, “It never failed. As I sat there, my kids would wander out one at a time and grab a seat by the fire.” The fire drew them there. He told me that he just sat their quietly and then moments later his kids would begin to open up about their day, their lives, their struggles and their dreams.
The next day I bought a small fire pit.
In the verse above, Jesus sat with his disciples around a campfire and ate. At this campfire is where He famously told Peter to “Feed my sheep.” I can only imagine the countless campfire meetings that He had with not only his disciples but so many others as well. I believe He knew the drawing power of a fire. He knew the camaraderie that it provides along with its ability to grasp one’s attention. If you have ever sat at a fire, then you know the captivating qualities that it possesses. When the world around you is dark, the fire shines light in an intimate setting illuminating only the faces of the people you are with. Your focus is on the fire and them. I believe there is no greater setting to connect with others than this.
I now have three sons. Two of them are teenagers. We love our firepit moments together. I use the same recipe given to me by my friend. I do not tell them when it is firepit time. I just walk out of the house and get the fire going. Within minutes, my boys begin to trickle outside and grab a chair. I never have to start a conversation. The fire somehow always knows how to draw their thoughts out.
Fire is powerful. It has been here since the beginning of time. It has the ability to destroy when it is not controlled. As man learned to harness its power for good, fire has helped produce so many wonderful things. Fire has become one of man’s most useful tools. We have a responsibility to respect its power. It is not surprising to see that power at work when we sit around it. I find myself mesmerized by its hypnotizing and fascinating qualities. My mind becomes clear as if it is burning away the distracting thoughts and cares that always surround me. I begin to focus and have clarity of mind. Even if I am alone, I still enjoy sitting at the fire for these reasons.
Men/Dads, I am going to repeat the same words that my friend told me, creating a firepit, “was one of the most important things I’ve ever done as a father.” If you are having trouble connecting with your kids, you are losing the battle for their attention, or just fed up with their screen time, then please use this advice. Get a firepit! Or just make one. Grab some rocks, stack them in a circle, and start burning. You may look back one day and say that this is the reason or at least one of the reasons that you and your children have a closer relationship. Stop waiting for the big moments with your kids and start creating small ones every day. This is a great way to begin.
