A Tribe Shows Up
On May 24, 2016, our home and property were destroyed by a tornado. This series is written to describe some of the lessons that I learned from that event. These lessons came from reflecting on the several months prior to as well as the years following the tornado. It was a pivotal moment in my marriage, family, business, and community involvement. I am grateful to the Lord for protecting my family during that incident. I am also thankful for that season as it taught me, the hard way, what is most important in life. Shortly after the tornado, my wife and I decided that one day I would write about it in the hopes of helping other families. If you are just joining this series, then please go back and start here:
How to Survive a Tornado: Lesson 1 – 9 Minutes
How to Survive a Tornado: Lesson 2 – Its OK to Fight
The Second Perspective
In the last article in this series, I said that I had two perspectives when I first approached my drive and saw my property for the first time after the storm. The first perspective was one of devastation and destruction. The second was of gratefulness. Amongst all the destruction, I saw people; a lot of people. There were at least fifty people scattered around our property. These were people who beat me there. There were more that showed up shortly after I did. Everyone was working. Chainsaws were going. Several men were cutting trees into pieces while others pulled them away from the house. There was no leader directing anyone on what to do. They just got after it. Many people outside were just clearing debris so others could get closer to the house. This is what I saw as I ran up the drive and around the house looking for my wife. After finding and then hugging her. I remember standing with her looking back at the house from a distance and seeing people constantly moving back and forth in every direction. They were working hard to help us. It looked like these people were with a professional cleanup company and this is what they did for a living. In the midst of the destruction, their efforts appeared overtly organized.
During that frantic drive to get home from work, I got a call from Brian, a friend who owned a roofing business. He was just calling to tell me that he had a crew on their way with tarps to protect what they could before the next storm hit. They arrived shortly after I did and in a matter of minutes had tarps secured over the house. This was the first person that I talked to after the storm. I had not even heard my wife’s voice yet. There are so many things that I may forget from that night, but I will always remember things like this. That call meant a lot to me. As my wife and I stood and looked back that night, I saw his crew tarping the house.
As trees and debris were cleared from entrances into the house, people began going inside. Some were inside the house salvaging what they could for us. One person went around the house, inside and out, taking pictures of everything. Some were in the house clearing debris to make walkways to easily get from room to room. A few ladies went to our closets with flashlights and began packing bags for us so that we would have clothes for the next several days. These same ladies also went to the store and bought personal hygiene products for us to have at the hotel. I remember telling my wife that may have been one of the most thoughtful things anyone did.
There were many people that were diligently taking over the thinking process for us. One friend immediately called our insurance company and got that process rolling. Shortly after I got home, we got a call from the adjuster. He told us he would be there early in the morning. That evening a contractor showed up. He had just completed a building and remodel project for one of our good friends. He told me that night that he got a call from our friend telling him to, “Get over to the Kemp’s right now and get them taken care of.” He immediately contacted a restoration company that also showed up and began working that night. They made a detailed assessment of damage beginning that evening. The very next morning they were back and moving things out of our home to have cleaned and stored. This took place all because a friend thought ahead for us. These types of things happened without my wife or I having to initiate them. They happened because we were part of a tribe.
Forming a Tribe
As my family started increasing in number, my wife began using a word to describe us. The word was tribe. As we got heavily involved in our community, our friendships grew. She used that same word, tribe, to describe all these people who we were invested in and were invested in us. I always liked how she used this term but after the tornado, I realized the power behind it. Where I am from, the word tribe is mostly used to describe Native American groups. Many of my friends are Native American and I am grateful to be a citizen of the Chickasaw Nation. I have seen and experienced how Native Americans hold very dear the concept of “tribe.” They have an amazing view of selflessness when it comes to members of their tribe. Their family reaches far beyond the four walls of their physical home. They are connected, loyal, and helpful to so many others that they consider family. They understand that they are better as individuals, families, and friends when they establish support systems and do life together.
On May 24, 2016, and the several days following, our tribe showed up. I am not even sure how so many people knew to come help us so quickly. There were no phone calls made. There was not a bat signal in the sky. These people just got in their cars and drove to check on us. I am not sure where they parked because there were no vehicles anywhere near our property. I do know that some of our friends parked on the highway, crawled through barbed-wire fences, crossed creeks, and ran through dense timber across multiple properties to find a way to my wife. I felt helpless being almost two hours away when the tornado hit. To find out later that our tribe had almost immediately arrived to check on her was an indescribable feeling. When my wife came out of the cellar with our youngest son, she stood taking in the destruction. I cannot imagine what was going through her mind. Thankfully, that moment only lasted a few minutes. Through all the destruction she saw something moving in the distance. All she could make out was bouncing curly hair. She knew immediately that it was our good friend Stacy. She said it was the greatest sight she could have seen! At that moment, the feeling of aloneness and fear left her. Upon seeing Stacy, she knew everything was going to be ok.
The Lesson: Just Show Up
I learned a great lesson through this about just showing up for your tribe. I am so grateful for the many phone calls I received from friends checking on us and asking if there was anything they could do. These calls meant the world to me. These phone calls were made from a very genuine place of compassion and respect for us. But it also taught me something very important; something that I realized I, myself, was not very good at. It taught me to just show up. Although I really appreciated the phone calls and people telling us to let them know if we needed them, not once did I call anyone back and ask them for help or find something for them to do. I was too busy working alongside the many people who were already there. I realized that many times, I am the person calling and offering help to my friends when what they really needed was to just see me pulling in their driveway. I am a man, and my gender is not well known for asking for help. For some reason, it is very unpopular to admit that we need assistance from anyone. I remember wondering a few days after the tornado which type of friend I was. Would I have just shown up? I couldn’t answer that question. And that bothered me. I don’t want to send the wrong message here. Every phone call I received was a huge blessing to me. I just had an internal battle about whether I would have just shown up for these same people that showed up for me. Regardless of what the answer was, I decided that I would be that person from that point forward.
The takeaway from this lesson is this:
- If you are not part of a tribe, then start finding one today. Put yourself in places where you can meet good people; church, your kids’ little league practices, community events, volunteer groups, school functions, fitness groups, civic service clubs, bible study groups, etc.
- If you are having trouble finding an established group of people, then create a group yourself. You start by building relationships with like-minded people and create opportunities for them to feel a sense of belonging. You may be surprised at how many people are also looking for others to do life together with.
- Once you begin forming those relationships, show up for them. Be there for them when they need help. They will do the same for you. It may just be a phone conversation where they need a good listener, but there will be times when what they really need is just to see you pulling in their driveway.
Life was not meant to be lived alone. You may be a person who says, “I don’t need anyone.” What a selfish thing to say! Here’s why. First, you are wrong. Whether you realize it or not, you do need others. Second, and more important, someone needs YOU! There are people around you that need you and your family. Do not live a life of seclusion. Be vulnerable and connect with people. Please do not cancel everyone because someone hurt you. Hurt and healing is a process of life. Many of us only focus on the hurt and not the healing. Sometimes hurt comes from others, but so does the healing. The concept of a tribe is not about you, it is about the tribe.
References
“Tribe.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tribe. Accessed 7 Sep. 2021.
