Every year at about this time, it seems like I have to do a hard reset with the family.  It is important to note that I need the reset as much as anyone else.  The first several weeks of the school year are always the busiest for my family.  My wife is a teacher, and with my three boys we have every school covered: high school, middle school, and elementary.  The fall keeps us going 100 mph with varsity football, junior varsity football, junior high football, soccer, wrestling, and baseball lessons.  My wife leads a group at church on Wednesday nights, we both lead a group on Sunday mornings, and my two teenagers serve in the kids’ ministry on Sunday mornings.  That is not even mentioning work schedules.  We also are grateful that other people like to spend time with our kids, but we compete with their friends for good quality time with them.  Most weeks, there is not even one night that all five of us are home together at the same time.  For most of you reading this, I know that you can certainly relate. 

With this kind of madness, it is so easy to spend our time at home vegging out in front of screens.  And trust me, we struggle with this more often than I would like to admit.  Were exhausted!  But does this renew, restore, refresh, and re-energize our minds?  The obvious answer is no.  It numbs us to what is going on around us and more importantly it robs us of our time together connecting as a family. 

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  Romans 12:2 NIV

Many years ago, as I was starting a new adventure as a high school administrator in charge of discipline, my superintendent quoted the verse above and then said, “Zac, if you are going to be successful in this job, you have to renew your mind every day.”  She was right.  But she was right about every job and every role we take on.  As a worker, dad, mom, friend, leader, and (fill in the blank), we must renew our minds daily in order to be successful.  Sometimes, this involves a “hard reset.”

The Hard Reset

When we seek advice for a device that is not working properly, what is the first question we are asked?  “Have you done a hard reset?”  To do a hard reset means that you turn the device completely off, unplug it from an external power supply, and let it recycle back on.  I am in no way tech savvy, but I see this process as bringing the device out of a comatose.  For us guys, you can picture this as slapping your lethargic buddy across the face and saying, “Snap out of it!”  This is what our family needs sometimes as well.  We are in a comatose from exhaustion and we need to snap out of it. 

I don’t know what an exact reset looks like for your family, but for mine it means unplugging for a while.  We have to take a period of time of turning off all devices and making the most out of minimal but precious time together.  My boys become so drawn to their screens.  My oldest son’s friends are constantly texting him to play games online, my middle son loves binge watching old seasons of Survivor, and my youngest son is spellbound by watching other people play games on YouTube (watching others play video games…really?).  Too be fair, my wife and I do not leave a room without our phones in our hands.  I notice us checking our phones often and we don’t even know why.  This tells me it is time for a hard reset.

If you see your family heading in the same direction that I described, then it is time to reset and find the family connection again.  Turn off the TV.  Take the power cords from the game consoles and/or computers.  Gather up all the handhelds.  This next step is crucial.  Replace those moments with something that is positively connecting you as a family.  Here are some of the things that we do:

  • Play cards/board games…yes, they still exist
  • Get the firepit blazing…my favorite
  • Read.  I read chapter books to my boys before they could read.  They now have a love for reading and my oldest two read more books than I do every year.  I am currently reading a book to my 7-year-old and am doing separate book studies with my teens
  • Go out for ice cream…as a family or trade nights with one-on-one time with Dad (or Mom!  I really appreciate all of my mom readers)
  • Sit around and talk to each other…crazy, I know

This takes energy at first.  If you are raising all boys like I am, then playing board games will initially result in a physical fight.  Everyone will try and wrestle for the stick to poke the fire.  Somehow, quiet reading time turns into objects flying across the room.  It would be easy for you to read this and think that I have a perfect family and I just don’t understand.  Wrong, we’re just like you!  It gets wacko around here.  Thus, I write a lot…to keep my sanity!  It takes me the same hard work that it is going to take you.

Despite what you might think, I really do not get a lot of resistance from the family about unplugging.  Of course, there is some rumbling at first by my boys having to withdraw from their screen addictions, but they have been through this before.  They know what to expect and they do enjoy our family time.  Try this for a week or two.  You do not have to give up screens forever.  By unplugging, cold turkey, it allows you to re-introduce screens later with some new restrictions, rules, or guidelines.  You can provide some limits that they can respect.  Later, you can establish a healthy balance between screens and family time.  It is common for my family to get sucked back into primarily screens when life gets busy and hectic.  That is okay as long as we recognize it quickly and do a hard reset again. 

Good luck…