Do you live with regret? Do you parent out of regret? Do you live with your head down in shame? If you are reading this, then that means the game is not over. The game of life. Your game of life. Get your head in the game!

Recently, I was on a weekly video conference call, and a friend was sharing with our team of men how he did not start out life with the success that he now has experienced. He had to overcome some initial life choices and the trajectory that he had created. He now has a wonderful marriage, young adult children who are greatly excelling, and runs a successful business. He is in the best shape of his life, disciplined in every way, and is dedicated to leading not only his family, but other men as well. When he finished sharing his story, I asked him a question. The answer was already obvious to me, but I wanted to hear his thoughts. I asked, “What level  of impact on your kids’ success has come from them watching their dad overcome his own obstacles and continue to be disciplined, working diligently in all aspects of his own life?” He elaborated, but his first answer was two words, “Tremendous impact!”

Although the details may be different, his story is all our stories. We all, if we are humble enough to admit, have missed the mark. We have made choices that we regret. We have either bowed down at the foot of, or rerouted around, obstacles. Each of us has things, moments, decisions that we would love to cash in a mulligan, a do-over. What do we do with those memories? Do we live with regret? I propose a better way.

Live With Resilience

In the same way my friend chose not to live with regret, so can I…so can you.

As I have written before, sometimes we just need a shift in perspective. What if, instead of continuing in the shame of our decisions, our past, we forgave ourself, and/or others, and viewed our past as part of our story. Every man loves a rise from the ashes story. We follow men who have one and unashamedly share it. Why not you? Maybe you haven’t risen from the ashes yet, but I am imploring you to get up and begin that journey. Have resilience, not regret. You still have life to live. You have people who either currently do or wish to depend on you. Shift your perspective and view your story as powerful, not focusing on regret, but living in the resiliency of how you will proceed. You cannot change the past, but you can alter the future.

A Father’s Perspective

As a father, I know that my boys are always watching my story. Your children are watching yours as well. In the past couple of years, I have watched my three sons step into new levels of joy, growth, and leadership. My wife and I were reflecting on this just a few days ago and I reached over and gave my wife a fist bump and said, “You know, I am thankful that we turned our stories around. Our boys have watched us push through toward resiliency and make positive changes in our lives and it has directly affected theirs.” I am not a father who has made it. I am just a man shoulder to shoulder with you on this exciting journey. But I have made the decision to not live with regret. Instead, I have chosen resiliency and strive to push forward with my story, share it with you, and invite you to join me on the journey.

Your kids are watching you. They are directly affected by your choices, your actions, and your perspectives. Choose today to begin showing them resiliency. Just like my friend shared with us, his resiliency is being lived out through his children’s success as young adults. He has fathered in a way that gave them a foundation to stand on instead of a mess to clean up. They inherited from him tools for life instead of confusion and baggage. If you want the best for your kids, and I know that you do, then want the best for you first. I applaud you for putting your kids first, but maybe its time for you to invest in a better you. The best YOU will give your children the best possible parent, the best possible foundation, and the best possible outlook on life. A worn down YOU, a regretful YOU, will not be able to provide your children with the life they deserve.

Men,

  • Choose resilience.
  • Rise from your ashes.
  • Shift your perspective.
  • Invest back in YOU.
  • Choose joy.
  • Be grateful.
  • Stay sharp (read this week’s Weekly Whetstone, How Does A Man Stay Sharp?)

“Regret.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/regret. Accessed 19 Apr. 2023.

“Resilience.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resilience. Accessed 19 Apr. 2023.