I often hear men use this phrase, “I live and die by my calendar.” I know what they mean by this. It is another way of saying, “I am busy and anything of importance is on the calendar.” Your calendar tells you what to do. It is a personal assistant that allows your mind to stay focused on the task at hand instead of trying to figure out what you need to do next. It alleviates that fear of forgetting about a meeting, a work deadline, a doctor’s appointment, or a child’s baseball game. It is the things that you have deemed important. Your calendar is a list of your intentional things.
What is on your list of intentional things? I am guessing work, important dates, kids’ activities, and appointments. I am sure your to-do list is there and maybe some goals. But what about relationships? Are relationships important to you? Do they make the list of important things that you are intentional about? You might immediately say, “Yes.” But I can tell you what you are intentional about by looking at your calendar.
I have been writing a lot lately about the importance of relationships for men. Recently in another post, How Does A Man Stay Sharp, I shared a statistic that I read several years ago. It said that less than one percent of all men over the age of thirty-five have at least one other man in their life that they can have deep and meaningful conversations with. Less than one percent! That is barely a step higher than zero percent of men. Why is this?
I believe there are many factors for this, but one is our list of intentions, or in other words, our calendar. Of course, the real reason for this statistic goes much deeper than our calendar. For starters, our insecurities, internal wounds, appearance of toughness, not knowing our purpose, and not understanding who we really are as a man are some of the main culprits. Pursuing intentional relationships do not allow us to keep these things hidden. Relationships expose us. But our list of intentions, the things that we “live or die by,” do not include reversing this unfavorable stat.
If you want to grow past the insecurities and wounds, and if you want to grow in your purpose and identity, then you are going to need relationships. The very thing that we avoid is one of the important keys to our success in life. Our relationships are important and should rank highly on the list of things that earn our intentional time. Does your “live or die” calendar reflect this?
For a long time, mine did not. It does now, and it has made all the difference in my life. My weekly calendar now has intentional time scheduled just for relationships. I am intentional about connecting with my wife, my sons, my friends, and my soon-to-be friends.
What are you living or dying by? Is it work and appointments only? Do you value relationships? If you say yes, then prove it by your calendar. I challenge you today to look at your calendar, your intentional things, and see if you have deemed connecting with others important. If you are married, then block some time to spend uninterrupted with your wife. If you have kids, then schedule a moment of one-on-one time this week. Also, get something on there that involves a friend or someone you would like to get to know better. Schedule a meeting, a lunch, or a time that you are just going to make a phone call to someone.
Make it a habit, an intention, every week to mark your calendar with intentional time for your relationships. If you live or die by your calendar, then you cannot be an intentional husband, intentional father, or intentional friend if these moments do not make the scheduling cut.
Take control of your calendar, take control of your relationships, and take control of your life. Make a list of the things that are most important to you. These are the things that you are intentional about. Review your calendar and make sure that it reflects the things you listed. If you are going to tell people that you live or die by your calendar, then make sure that your calendar has the things that are essential for your life, for your growth, and for the fulfilling of your purpose.
