Man Among Boys was created to help fathers forge a better connection with their sons. The mission is to help men who are raising the next generation of men. Man Among Boys just means fathers who are raising sons. There is an obvious disconnect between so many fathers and sons. John Eldredge, author of the popular men’s book Wild At Heart, calls this “the wound.” Man Among Boys began as an answer, a solution, a resource, for men who want to combat the cries for men to disappear or as one person scolded me on social media, I “need to take a step back.” I cannot take a step back. The young men of a new generation need fathers.
When you know your calling and your purpose there is a courage that fuels you. I know where my courage comes from. My courage is from God, but it was modeled to me by a woman.
So many mothers send messages to me who follow either my writing or the “Daily Man Among Boys Message” that I put out on social media. Some of these mothers are single parents. They value the role of a father but unfortunately there is not one present for their son. Although they may have hurt from a man, they still desire for their son to grow into a good, loving, strong, and confident masculine man. Several tell me that they even play my videos for their sons every morning. This may be one of the few if not ithe only positive message they are hearing from a father’s voice.
As my message and my audience has evolved, I want to make sure that I am always including these mothers as they are many times filling the role of two parents in a young boy’s life. I am grateful to have had a strong mother and father. But my dad would be the first to tell you that our family appreciates and has relied many times on the strength and courage that my mom provides.
My Mom
My mom grew up in the midst of divorce, alcoholism and addiction. Her only stability came from a God-fearing grandmother and a neighbor family that picked her up on Sundays to take her to church. In her junior year of high school, she ran away from home to live with an aunt in another town. That year, in a new high school, she met my dad. He was a senior and he was smitten with the new girl. A few months after my mom graduated from high school, she found out that she was expecting a child…yours truly.
My parents always joke, although not a joke, that “it all started with the three of us.” My parents were only married a few months before I arrived. They were teenagers…kids raising a kid.
I cannot imagine the courage my teenage mom had to find as she stood, along with my dad, in the face of many external voices. These voices, and I mean actual voices, encouraged her to move on…without me and/or without my dad. She had a life ahead of her. My dad had a life ahead of him. They each had plans, dreams, hopes, and a future that did not begin with pregnancy out of wedlock.
My mom will tell you that not only did she save my life, that I saved hers as well. She will also tell you, there was never a decision for her. My mom chose, in an instant, that her love, her joy, her calling, her fulfillment, and her life’s work was to be a mother. Those last couple of statements may rub some the wrong way, but this is not your story. It is my mom’s story. It is my story. And I am grateful that I have a story.
My mom now has four grown children. One of us was adopted and has been a part of our family since she was three days old. My mom has been a mother-figure to multitudes of now grown children through her years serving in mothers-day-out programs and through foster care. She is a true mother at heart. There are times that I struggled as a young man thinking that I caused my mom to miss out on some alternate path. This never came from my mom, but from my immaturity. My mom was settled from the beginning that I became the dream. She has never wavered.
My mom said something to me several years back that has always stuck with me. As we were celebrating an accomplishment in my life and journey, she said, “You know, I have always thought of your accomplishments as mine as well.” This was very profound to me. My mom does not live through me, nor does she have any type of unhealthy attachment to me or my siblings. She has always given me space to be my own person, my own man.
This statement is special to me because I know what she means. And if anyone deserves to celebrate my achievements it is the woman who gave everything for me. She laid down her life, dreams, and ambitions to make sure that I could become whatever I dreamed of. She established the beginnings of a legacy. A true leader understands the importance of legacy over self. Because of the hard work, the strength, and the courage that she displayed as a very young woman, she now celebrates the lives and successes of her children and grandchildren.
I do not have any pressure from mom to accomplish anything. But what I do have is a joy, an inspiration, and fulfillment in inviting my mom to celebrate along with me in everything that I do and may have success in. She deserves it. She is the reason.
Many of you moms may relate to this. I want to give you permission to not just celebrate your children, but to celebrate alongside of them. You give so much of your lives, everything, to your children. Often, ok…maybe always, there is no thank you and no perceived gratefulness for the never-ending needs that you so sacrificially provide. You need to celebrate alongside your kids. Their successes are your successes. You deserve it. You are the reason.
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, my hero. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for my courage.
Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful wife, the hero of my three boys. Happy Mother’s Day to my mother-n-law who continually raises the bar for what a grandmother should be.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mom’s, heroes, who are raising the next generation of great men and women!
