It is immensely important to me to teach my boys the importance of working hard. In a world where people are often looking for the path of least resistance, I fear our young men are missing out on an integral part of their journey toward manhood. Man is always searching for value and purpose. Men find value through multiple avenues, but one of the most important is the value that comes through accomplishing hard meaningful work.
Like many of you, I am continuously looking for ways to work smarter and more efficiently, but that does not mean that you can always bypass some good old fashion blood, sweat, and tears. There are so many lessons learned through the journey. It is not often fun, but I am so grateful for the grind. In my line of work, I often hear other employers say, “You can’t find young men who want to work anymore.” As a construction business owner, I see this firsthand.
As I was growing up in school, teachers constantly stressed the importance of getting an education and then encouraged us to go on to college. The most common repeated phrase was, “If you don’t get a good education, you’ll end up digging ditches for a living.” That is ironic to me now as I have a master’s degree in leadership, and I literally dig ditches every single day. And, by choice. Of course, these teachers were correct with the lesson they were teaching. An education gives you choices and opportunities. There is a difference in choosing a line of work versus having limited options. I just chose physical work.
I am grateful that I grew up with a dad and grandpa that taught me to find value in hard work. My grandpa, who I always called the last authentic cowboy, kept a never-ending list for me on the ranch where I grew up. I spent my weekends and summers working cows, taking care of horses, mending fence, hauling hay, mowing pastures, and everything else you can imagine. I loved it, but it was hard work and usually in the hot sun. The only dreaded job was handpicking rocks out of potential hay fields. Those days seemed never ending. I share these examples because they are the experiences that taught me to see the value in hard work.
You do not have to work outside to work hard. You may have an office job or spend a lot of time in a vehicle or flying from city to city. Also, work does not just apply to your job. The work I am referring to covers all areas of your life. You may have figured out how to spend less time with a job and more time with your family. If that is the case, then great! But it still takes hard work to be a good husband, father, friend, and leader. This type of work can and should be enjoyable, but it still takes strenuous effort. Whatever it is that fills your day, make sure that you are doing something as a father to teach or show your son the importance of working hard.
Here are five ways to help you do just that.
Be the Best You Can Be at Your Job.
Working hard at your job does not mean that you must work 12-hour shifts or 60-hour weeks. No matter how much time you spend at work let your son see that it is important to you. He needs to know that you take your job serious and are always working to improve your skills and relationships with those you work for and with. Do not complain about your boss in front of him. Do not complain about conditions at work. If you talk about these things at home, make sure you are talking about solutions and not just the problem. Let him see that you find joy in providing for your family and in serving others in your work. He will be in your shoes one day. He needs to know that work is more than just a dead-end job to put food on the table.
Show That You Care About Your Health.
It takes hard work to take care of yourself. That is why so many of us let that fall to the wayside. We work so hard at all the other things in front of us that we put our health on the backburner. Do any of us fathers want our sons to grow up and have bad health? Of course not! But unfortunately, that is exactly what we model for them. Trust me when I say that I am speaking from experience. There was a long season that I did not take care of myself. It affected my whole family. Once my wife and I decided to take control of our health, we noticed an immediate change in our boys as well. They started choosing better eating habits and wanting to exercise more. Make sure your son sees you come home from the gym or a jog with a sweat-soaked shirt every now and then. If he is old enough, take him along with you. Do not force him. You want him to exercise because he finds personal value in it, not because he fears your disapproval if he does not.
Reach Your Full Potential as a Husband and Father.
Marriage is tough! And so is parenting. You cannot just show up for these two things and expect them to go well. Being a husband and a father do not manage themselves. You cannot put them on autopilot. I personally believe that is good sometimes for your son to see you struggle a little at these. This is beneficial as long as he also sees you working hard to overcome those struggles and power through. This teaches him that its not all sunshine and rainbows but that it requires hard work. When he sees you putting in the effort to work out tough situations with your wife, he can begin to understand that your marriage is a great priority to you. Have the tough conversations with him as a dad. It may be awkward at first, but your son is worth overcoming the discomfort. Over time, the awkwardness goes away, and they just become conversations. Even if he does not show appreciation at the time, and he probably will not, he will one day recognize that you did this because you valued him so much. Remember, we are not just fathering our sons to gain some immediate reward. We father them so that years from now they will be great men. I will say though, I cannot imagine a greater reward than the one I have every day in fathering my sons.
Find Gratification in Keeping Your Home Nice.
Take the time to mow your own yard. Or better yet, make it father and son time by teaching him. Mowing, or doing some other type of yard work, is one of the greatest ways to get your son sweating. The great thing about taking care of your yard is that it does come with instant gratification. When you are finished, you get to look over the yard and admire your hard work. My two oldest sons take care of our yard as well as the yards of three widows on our street. They do not accept money from them. They have learned to find great pleasure knowing that these ladies do not have to spend money finding someone to help them. It also helps that they get a homemade chocolate cake out of the deal every now and then. If you do not have a yard or do not live in an area that requires yard work, then keep the house clean. Teach your son how to fix things around the house. If you do not know how, then learn. Learning begins with trying. Not everyone is gifted as a handyman, but all men should try to learn some fix-it basics around the house. Hang pictures. Re-caulk the shower. Paint the wall. Stop paying other people to do every single thing at your house. I understand that many people pay for these services because their jobs or the size of their property do not allow the time it takes to maintain everything. But you can make time every now and then to show your son how to work. Finding gratification in working hard around your home is important. Your son will understand the value and reward in building and maintaining a safe and respectable home for his future family.
Work Hard and Play Hard.
This is the one I have failed the most. I am actually typing this as we are traveling back home from vacation. I only took a few days from work, but it is the most I have stepped away from the company in ten years. It is hard for me to gear completely down. Even when I am resting from work, I am working on some project at home. I do find time every day to rest and play with my sons, but I do not “play hard” often enough. I am grateful for these several days of playing hard with my wife and boys. They needed it, but so did I. Rest and play are designed to follow hard work. Even as I admit that I do not always do this right, I do believe that many men now have this backwards. We should teach our boys to play. When they are very young, playing is how they learn about life. As they get older, we must teach them that although playing is vital, it is not a lifestyle. There is an important balance between work and play. Too much of either one is not healthy.
You may feel that you have failed in some or each of these five areas with your son. That is okay. Start today to remedy that. Regardless of what age your son is, it is not too late to build or rebuild these foundations. You may be in a place that is going to require ridiculous hard work just to right some wrongs in your relationship with him. Just start there. Showing that you are going to relentlessly pursue rebuilding a relationship with him may be the greatest example of hard work that he sees. Do the hard thing. Do the hard work. Do your part in training our next generation of young men to appreciate the value of working hard for the things they believe in.
