Here it is, that time of year again where we set new goals and when many create resolutions. I really enjoy the beginning of every year as it represents a fresh start. It is a blank slate upon which I can spread vision and have clarity. I can see clearly again as the dense fog of the end of the year and holiday season is now behind me. Although I love the time leading up to Christmas, I appreciate the opportunity each new year to plan and visualize what is to come. As I explained in my last article, Find Hope, I do not set resolutions but rather focus on one specific area that I would like to grow in. According to several research studies, the majority (around 80%) of resolutions fail after the first month. The number continues to wane thereafter. We do not need extensive research to prove that to us. We have seen or personally experienced that every year we have been alive. Hopefully you have been successful with a resolution or two in the past, I have, but as the numbers show, most are not. So why do we keep making these promises to ourselves? The answer is HOPE. This is why in the previous article I called hope the lifeblood of every man. We need hope, all of us.
Even though, collectively, we are not successful in reaching our New Year’s goals, the hope that is created through these exciting possibilities fuels us to launch forward. We need that fuel. But what if instead of repeating that same cycle each year, we instead actually did experience success? I am talking about a success that is far greater than reaching the goals that we set. What if you experienced something that changed the rest of your life and created a platform that you built upon each and every year, month, week, and day? That sounds amazing, right? This year I am going to ask you to focus on something greater than just setting goals. I believe in goal setting. I set goals myself. I am not really telling you to forget the goals as the title suggests. Rather, I am asking you to find something first that will later help you set more realistic goals and then actually see them come to fruition. That something is this; find your purpose.
Purpose
Why are you here? Every one of us at some time or another has asked this question. For some of us, our faith has helped answer this. For others, maybe a gift or talent, a heart for others, or those close to us have reaffirmed the purpose we serve. I am always envious of those who at a young age knew exactly what their purpose is and have spent their lives sprinting down what seems to be a well-lit path in front of them. That is not my story. I have always been in relentless pursuit of my purpose, but it has taken several decades for clarity to set in. That may be your story as well. Hopefully you have not given up yet. If you have, that is okay, but let’s get back in the game. In the following section I will discuss four areas that I believe will help you better understand what your purpose is. My expectation is not that everyone will fully identify with their purpose after reading this. For some, something may click or maybe even bring some confirmation, but I do not anticipate that immediate result for everyone reading. My aim with this is to give you some tactical assistance on your journey in finding your purpose or as some call it, “finding yourself.”
How Do You Know Your Purpose?
Here are the four components that I believe make up your unique purpose.
1. Purpose Serves Others. Every one of us has a significant reason for who we are, why we exist. Although our meanings are seemingly unique, there is one single unifying characteristic of every purpose. A purpose serves others. If you are wondering if something in your life happens to be your purpose, then ask this one question, “Is it serving other people in a positive way? If the answer is no, then it is not your purpose. You are not here for you alone. You are here to be a part of the lives of those around you and make whatever sphere of influence you have greater than what it currently is. What is so interesting about the way God designed human life is how we grow personally. If you have experienced substantial personal growth in your life, then you most likely would agree that the greatest and fastest way to do so is to first help someone else. Serving others with humility does more to build the giver up than anything we might do in solace. Of course, we need alone time. We need time and space to pray, read books, process life. But those will only take you so far. It is only when you get outside of yourself and lift others that you yourself begin to rise to new levels internally. This is why our whole lives we have heard the phrase, “It is better to give than to receive.” Many may not have realized that this actually comes from a verse in the Bible (Acts 20:35). You cannot bypass this important genetic makeup if you want to grow and find your purpose.
2. Purpose Engages Gifts. Each one of us has a gift, talent, or skill. For some, their gift is obvious. We have all been blessed by listening to our favorite music artists, by reading a book from a great writer, or have been moved by an inspirational speaker. We pay money to glean from others’ gifts. We invest time watching shows on tv where people showcase or even compete using their talents. For most of us, our gifts do not take us to those places. But do not for a second believe that you do not have a gift. There is something inside of you that other people need. Something that will in turn build you up in ways that you never imagined, providing joy and fulfillment. It may be hidden behind a lifetime of fear, confusion, shame, or even abuse. Your gift may not look like the obvious ones that other people possess. Yours may be extremely unique.
I spent most of my life not knowing what my gift is. Recognizing my gift first came through a very uncomfortable conversation with my wife. Several years back, in an extreme pursuit of growth and finding my purpose, I sat down with my wife and asked her to be wholly honest with me. I prepared several questions that I wanted her to answer about the way she and others perceived me. I also asked her to rate me from a list of essential personal and leadership qualities. My gosh this was brutal! She had a difficult time at first due to her respect for me, but I really pressed her to please be honest. After she realized my deep humility in requesting her help, she gave me helpful insight to some harsh realities. These led to my final question which was, “What is my gift?” She listed two things. One was something that I was operating in currently but had grown insecure in, and the other was something that I felt deep inside for years but kept hidden from anyone on the outside. That day she confirmed something in me, and I began cultivating a gift and realizing my purpose.
This conversation that I purposefully orchestrated with my wife was not easy. I was in a place where I really lost myself. I did not care how painful the road may be, I wanted to travel it. I do recommend having this kind of conversation with someone(s) who is a close, trusted, family member or friend, but only if you are in a place to receive what you hear. You must be confident in your willingness to grow and truly trust the person you invite the feedback from. They must be someone who knows you well and has a deep selfless concern and interest for your well-being. I have a close friend who recently ask me and a few others around him to do this same thing. He asked for hard and honest feedback for his personal growth. He has used this information to effectively increase his level of influence and leadership. If you are having trouble recognizing your own personal gift or gifts, then this may be something to meaningfully consider. Sometimes those around us see things in us that we, for one reason or another, are not capable of seeing.
3. Purpose Requires Courage. Fulfilling your purpose is not easy. That is why so many live lives lost. Courage is a quintessential in giving your gift to the world. Your world may not mean, “the world,” but it may mean those in your circle of influence. For you men among boys and for the purpose of this website, it definitely means your son or sons. It takes great courage to raise men. Especially in our current world that is trying very hard to blur the bold lines that separate the created qualities of men and women. I am raising my sons to appreciate and cultivate the masculine qualities that were inherently created on the inside of them. These qualities, developed with respect and discipline, can impact their worlds in unbelievable ways. This takes courage. You have this courage inside of you. It is there to grow you into the man you desire to be as well as grow the boys who are looking to you for leadership, guidance, approval, and acceptance. When you find your purpose, it will require you to be courageous. I can promise you that. Just know that every man or woman that you have looked up to as a leader has had to fight the same battle you will in walking in courage. It is not a matter of whether you have courage or not. The question is, have you tapped into it yet? It is in there somewhere. I promise. The Creator commands his creation to be courageous. He cannot demand something from us that He did not put in us.
4. Purpose is Fueled by Passion. I heard someone the other day say they did not like the word passion anymore. I am not sure why they said this. Maybe passion is one of those overused words that our society has diminished the meaning, such as “hero” or “hate.” For example, I hate evil in the world, and I hate it when our dog uses the bathroom in the house. Do I really have the same feeling for evil toward mankind as I do for cleaning up dog poop? Of course not! I love the word passion and I hope that the word does not fall victim to cultural devaluation of vocabulary. I am not sure there is a more powerful way to describe inner convictions you have toward a particular thing or belief. Passion is far deeper than feeling. Feelings change often. A person can completely flip flop a feeling toward something in an instant. Passion is not that way. You cannot wear passion solely on your sleeve. Passion is a deep stirring inside of you that causes you to fight for specific causes. You are passionate for only a few things. You may feel deeply for a lot of things, but the word passion is reserved for only one or maybe a few distinct things in your life. I am passionate for my wife. I am an innately good and kind person, although, there are a number of people in the world that would strongly disagree with that statement. These are the individuals, men, that chose to show disrespect to my wife. This passion is what drives a man to call a furniture sales manager to tell him “I’m on my way to your office so you can look me in the eyes and explain why you talked rudely to my wife over the phone”, or why I would drive around for hours looking for a man in a red car that flipped my wife the bird. This kind of passion causes you to act in uncharacteristic ways.
Passion becomes the fuel for your purpose. Therefore, it is crucial to understand your purpose. Without purpose, your passion can easily be channeled into the wrong things or even run out of control. I understand that many around me do not carry the same level of passion that I do. My passion easily turns to high levels of intensity. My poor wife and brother are probably the most excited and grateful people in the world that I finally launched this website. They don’t have to listen to me anymore! Well, they still do but now in a dialed down exposition.
Let’s Find Your Purpose
This new year let’s focus on purpose. Again, goals are great. I encourage you to set goals. I just believe that you will experience a higher level of success in achieving them if they are centered around and driven by your purpose. In taking steps to find your purpose, remember the four areas we discussed.
- Does it serve others in encouraging and meaningful ways?
- Does it engage, establish, and sharpen your gifts?
- Does it require courage and push you to step out of your comfort zone?
- Does it awaken, ignite, and align with your passion?
If you can answer yes to these four questions, then you have most likely recognized your purpose in life. What a great place to be! If not, then keep moving in this direction. Now, as you set goals for this year, center them around your purpose or around ways that will lead you in moving toward fully understanding what your purpose is. Make this the last year that the question, “why am I here,” goes unanswered.
Start Here
Your family is “Your World.” You might be or eventually be called to reach the world, but no matter what your highest purpose in life is leading your family. Your family should be the first and foremost people who benefit from your service, gifts, courage, and passion. If you have put your family aside to go after the globe, then you have greatly missed the mark. Your purpose involves your family far before it includes anyone else. They are your number one priority. Although my passionate purpose is reaching men, I am elated that many women follow this website. Most everything I write can easily be addressed to wives and moms as well. Boys fully developing into men is not just a dad’s responsibility. An honorable and mature masculine man also requires the guidance, love, nurture, courage, and strength that only a woman can give. I am so grateful for the unbelievable women in my life. Ladies, finding your purpose and being the best you, is crucial in your son’s life.
Begin your journey today in finding your purpose. Happy New Year from Man Among Boys!
