Patience is a virtue. You have probably heard this said to you a thousand times by a thousand adults when you were a kid. It is true. It is a virtue. It is something that we should strive for in our lives. I will admit that I have to work on this one daily. Although it is a good, moral, and necessary quality, there is a little more to it than just the surface level. Patience allows you to endure for a period of time in order to see a desired outcome (my own definition).
Patience is important to being a well-rounded man and something vital in teaching your son. But I often see two extremes. In one extreme, people, may inadvertently or may intentionally, use patience as an excuse to never do anything meaningful. They are always patiently waiting on the right timing or waiting for their turn. They have developed a sense of peace in their minds thinking that the reason they have not achieved the things they wanted in life is because they are just being patient. This can also be an excuse for not having boldness as we discussed in Part 3. Other reasons could be that they came across a roadblock and that was their sign that this wasn’t meant to be, so they went back to patiently waiting. Or they ran into opposition or a “hater” and so they gave up. Or maybe it was just too HARD!
You cannot have everything you want and have it right now. This leads to the second extreme. These are the highly impatient people. If they do not get exactly what they want when they want it, they either give up and move on, they take it by force, or they fall victim to whatever roadblock presented itself. The first group of people may need to stop using patience as a crutch and the second group of people need to slow down a bit and take a look around. See, there is a little more to this patience thing. I see patience as sometimes an attribute and other times an action. It is an enduring. Patience is understanding that what you are desiring may take a while and in some instances, there is nothing you can do, so you wait. But in other situations, it means relentlessly enduring, grinding, and overcoming everyday to reach your goal. In this case, patience is the act of putting in the work. So this is deeper than just telling your son that patience is a virtue.
Lets take a look at Nehemiah. Nehemiah knew who he was. He knew the importance of prayer, he had boldness, and he understood the importance of asking for help. Now, what happens almost immediately any time you try to do something good? You receive opposition. Opposition is many times the guarantee that you are doing to right thing. This is not true for everything, but it is usually the case when you step out to do something great and fulfill that burning passion you have inside to positively improve the lives of others. A soon as the people began rebuilding the wall, the opposers showed up. “But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us. ‘What are you doing?’ they asked. ‘Are you rebelling against the king?’ I answered them by saying, ‘The God of heaven will give us success. We his servants will start rebuilding, but as for you, you have no share in Jerusalem or any claim or historic right to it.’” Nehemiah 2:19-20 NIV
Here, Nehemiah displayed his patience. He knew that he was going to endure roadblocks and oppositions. He had already overcome a great deal to even get to this point. His patience allowed him to immediately speak truth in the face of his opposers and just keep moving forward. In fact, the very next verse begins explaining who began building what. What is your level of patience and what would you have done in this moment? Thank about this for a minute and reassess decisions in your life. Typically, in these circumstances, have you considered this type of opposition as a sign that you just needed to turn back and wait some more? Or do you claim victim and blame your unreached goals on the opposers. By the way, I really dislike the popular buzz word “haters.” People use this all the time now when anyone opposes them. What it does is makes you a victim, and it also places too much emphasis on the other people just being evil or having some agenda to bring you down. This is not always the case. Many times people just do not agree, in which they have the right. Do not be so sensitive to other’s thoughts about you that you give them this much space. Claiming “haters” is also a way that people give themselves an excuse if they do not win or achieve their mission. Nehemiah did not tweet out how hard his life is and how he is just going to have to dramatically rise from the ashes of the “haters.” No. He was not their victim. He just boldly dealt with them as needed and kept working. So, what was your answer? We need to get to the place where we deal with these situations the way Nehemiah did. There are more examples in the story of his opposers coming back and having to patiently endure through those times as well.
You may have never looked at patience in this way. You may have always thought of patience as not grabbing your son’s shoelaces from him because he’s not tying them right and you’re running late. Or, in our case, me and the boys waiting on my beautiful wife in the car on Sunday mornings knowing we’ll be walking into Sunday School late; that we will also be leading. I mentioned she is beautiful, right? Brad Paisley wrote my theme song. Country music fans will understand. The point is patience is not always a passive affair. Let’s look at how we can teach this to our son.
What can you do if your son is riding the bench in youth baseball? Do you cry victim and blast the coach? Do you make him quit the team? Do you tell him to be patient and wait his turn? Or do you help him patiently endure? Patiently enduring means that you teach him to put in some extra work, pay attention more at practice, be coachable, devote time to do some drills at home, and to cheer his teammates on while he is getting ready for when his turn comes around. I know there are other factors that play into this example. I wrote an article that will post in the near future explaining these factors and how to deal with them. Dads, I know it sucks watching your kid sitting on the bench, but it may provide one of the most awesome life teaching moments for you and him if you take advantage.
Learn to Use Your Dad Shield
Teach him to patiently endure. Teach him to grind and overcome. Teach him to value hard work. None of these come overnight. They come through patience. You are his dad, and it is your responsibility to know your son’s limits. Do not overly shield him from life’s lessons. But also, you should recognize the appropriate times to lower your dad shield around him for his protection. Both are necessary. Doing only one is detrimental.
