Dang! Summer is officially over. High school football is underway, school starts back tomorrow, and the ‘stache is going into hibernation until next summer. I feel some sort of strange watery, salty discharge building in my eyes. It must just be sweat from my morning walk. Men don’t cry…our eyes just sweat sometimes.

This has been a great summer spending time with my boys. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be fully present for them and to support my wife in focusing solely on her dreams and transitioning into a new leadership position and exciting career path. She is not only beautiful, she is beautifully gifted.

My wife has understood and supported my calling. And trust me, it hasn’t been easy. I absolutely love being an entrepreneur, but there is a reason why many do not make it and unfortunately, marriages and parenting are unintentionally sacrificed on the altar of pursuing greater things. Thank God, we made it, and made it through stronger. I do not take it for granted. When men ask my advice on starting a business, the first thing I do is ask this question, “Do you have your wife’s full support?” If the answer is no, then there is a good chance that you will end up walking away with only one these two things; your business or your marriage.

The Summer of Dad was born out of the years of recovering from the tornado (read series here). We have two phases of our marriage; Pre-Tornado and Post-Tornado. As the dust finally settled, we realized that our little guy, our youngest, took quite a hit. During some very crucial developing years of his life, his mom and dad were in survival mode. A few years ago, we moved closer to my wife’s family, and this was instrumental in his healing. His Bee Bee and Grandpa John have been a solid extra foundation for him to land on in times when ours was not.

The Summer of Dad was primarily about him. I began working on it a year ago, slowly introducing some new concepts for me to focus on with him as well as my two teen boys. This past spring, I came up with the phrase “The Summer of Dad” and began putting everything I had been working towards with my sons into an actual program. I have spent the summer fine tuning these concepts and elements so that I could eventually provide it to other men who are serious about connecting with their son. I am currently writing a book about these concepts and how to apply them as you become an intentional father.

I love hearing from dads and moms who are raising boys. I am grateful that so many people followed along with my #thesummerofdad posts and shared with me how they were modeling some of this with their own sons, and daughters too. I have had responses from men and women from literally coast to coast of the United States and The Summer of Dad message reached people in over forty different countries this summer. It is unbelievable! This is so encouraging to me as it shows that there are so many great parents out there who desire to develop more meaningful connections with their children, but just do not know where to begin. I am not an expert, nor do I believe I am a better father than you. I am just a man who is living his journey and calling out loud. My writing, many times, is just a conversation I am having with myself. I am just inviting you to listen in.  Thank you for listening.

I shared with my sons teachers last night that he has a gift. It is called ADHD. The Summer of Dad has helped me to recognize this as a gift and it has done the same for him. Being intentional and consistent allows a parent to use the tools that their child has been given in order to support, guide, and coach them to great success. We all have hard things that we must work through and hopefully use to our advantage. This is his. And it will be his greatest asset. We have worked to remove all negative connotations with this and turn it positive. This is not to provide some false reality. We actually believe this to be true. It will take some hard work from both he and his parents, but again, The Summer of Dad was a launchpad to begin this journey. His progress over the summer was outstanding!

The Summer of Dad

The question: “How do I better connect with my son?”

The answer: Be intentional; Be consistent

This is a simple answer to a complex question. The answer really is this easy. The difficulty comes from the level of commitment that either you want to give or that you think you can give. For most of us, myself included, it takes a lot of work on ourselves to get to the point that we believe we can be intentional or consistent with anything in our lives. Here are the things most likely keeping you from developing a meaningful relationship with your son:

  • Busy
  • Work all the time
  • Tired, exhausted
  • Health
  • Stress, anxiety
  • Depression
  • Emotional hurt
  • Single parent, divorce, marital issues
  • Lack of joy, hope, or purpose in personal life
  • Don’t know where to even start
  • Don’t care

The last one most likely does not pertain to you, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this today. You do care and you care greatly. I believe that you have a passion for connecting with your children. That passion may just be suppressed by one, some, or all of the things mentioned above. This is where I want to help. But I urge you in this journey to please invest in YOU. You will never be able to fully be what your child needs if you are not improving YOU. Selfish is not always a bad thing. This is the one time that someone is telling you it is alright to be selfish. Intentionally and consistently do something that makes you better. I promise this will overflow into your relationship with your kids (I’m using “kids” and “sons” interchangeably because I know a lot of you have shared that you are using this information with your daughters also).

Once you have found at least one area where you are investing in YOU, then begin to focus one of these areas to be intentional and consistent with your son (child):

  • Speaking
  • Development
    • Knowledge
    • Skill
    • Service
    • Moral Code
  • Discipline
    • Routine
    • Behavior
  • Health
    • Physical
    • Mental
    • Spiritual
  • Work
  • Play

Pick one of these and start with small amounts of time if you must. If all you can manage right now is fifteen minutes a week, then that is fifteen minutes of connection that your child did not get last week, the week before, or the week before that. You will be amazed at how far that fifteen minutes can go if it is done intentionally and consistently.

Again, thank you for your support in me as I am working diligently to support you in my mission of helping Men raise the next generation of great Men.

Be a Man Among Boys.

More to come…