Last Friday night, I sat in the same place I sit most every Friday night in the Fall; Seat G-45 above the 40-yard line in our high school football stadium. This is one of the few spots that I know for sure each week that our family of five will be in the same place (vicinity at least) at the same time. My oldest two are on the high school football team and my youngest son burns more calories than the players do as he runs around playing with friends and running bleachers multiple times nagging for concession money. A few seats down sit another family of five. Their kids are younger than ours. The oldest is a daughter and the two youngest are boys. I watched them that night with a smile on my face as the two boys reminded me so much of my two oldest when they were that age. My two were 100-mph all the time, just like these were. I watched as the oldest son used his dad as a jungle gym, crawling on his back, across his chest, and at one point, swinging upside down under his leg like a monkey. I think I laughed out loud. Not much can break my focus from a football game, but this was too good. I could relate. And it was a nice feeling.

The dad never once told his son to stop. I thought in that moment how many men, even including myself at times, would have said something like, “Hey! Get off of me!” Or, “Sit down! Be Still!” How about this one, “Here, take my phone and go play on it.” The dad never seemed bothered by his son physically abusing his body. I believe that, even though the dad’s eyes were on the game, he could feel the joy in the boy’s heart as he physically bonded with his dad. From where I sat, I saw the huge smile on the boy’s face. Telling him to stop in that moment would have crushed his spirit. There was no place that boy would rather be than wrapped around his dad’s frame.

This was a special moment for me as I have not shared with you yet two important key elements to this story. First, this family was at the game the previous Friday night as well and this exact situation played out then too. The kids wrestled on mom and dad and the dad missed most of the game running the kids to the bathroom multiple times and granting their many concessions stand wishes. They could have easily decided that was too exhausting and spent the next Friday night in front of the television watching a movie. But they did not. They chose quality family time in the fresh air amongst friends.

The second thing I haven’t mentioned yet is these are very close friends of ours. I know their story well. I know that Dad travels weekly flying across the country with business and Mom works full time as a professional assisting children. I know that they both serve in multiple areas at our church. I know some of the more personal stresses that they have had to deal with recently. One of those, being closing on a home that they just built. Earlier that week I was at their home helping them with some finishing touches as they were trying to meet their closing deadline. He, like most men, does not ask for assistance. I knew he must really be under pressure when I received his text asking for help. Knowing all of this and seeing how in the moment he was with his family those two Friday nights spoke volumes about him as a MAN. He was doing it well.

I shared this to say that we all, as men, can relate. The stresses and demands may be tweaked a little in our personal story, but the reality is the same. We all deal with hard and exhausting things as we fulfill our role as provider, protector, leader, etc. Too often, little time and energy is left for crushing it as a dad. I have certainly been there. When my two oldest were little, I started a company with my dad and brother. We ran it for ten years. Many (many, many, many…) days I left the house while they were sleeping and returned home to find them again sleeping. I missed their entire day! I hated it. I did the best I could, but it was not the best I desired to give them. The other day my wife told our small group at church, “even though that season was difficult, and Zac had little time to spend with the boys, he was intentional about making that time meaningful.” That meant the world to me, and I needed to hear it. She is right, but it is sometimes hard for me to give myself the grace to see that.

You may be in this same place. If so, I want to give you six areas that you can focus on to maximize your time with your son and create intentional and meaningful connections with him. If you need to just tackle one at a time, that is fine. Do not let another day go by that you do not intentionally connect. You may start out only having fifteen minutes a week to focus on one of these. That is okay. Just remember, that is fifteen minutes more than you gave him last week and that fifteen minutes of intentionality may be the beginning of an immeasurable difference in his life.

1. SPEAK

Create intentional moments where you put everything aside and talk with him. The most important part of this is listening to what he has to say. Take him for ice cream or light the firepit outside. You may be surprised at how much he desires to share his life and thoughts with you.

2. DEVELOP

Schedule time where you can work with him on a learned skill that he is interested in. This could be anything; sports, music, art, games, technology, crafts, etc. There is a great bond that can be forged between a father and son in this development process.

3. DISCIPLINE

This is two-fold. First through proper discipline (in this case correction), you can connect with him by showing him you love him enough to enforce correction and consequences when he moves outside of the guidelines that you have established. The second aspect of discipline is connecting with him through creating disciplinary habits such as getting out of bed on time, doing daily chores, making good grades in school, going to bed on time, etc. Show him that this is important by playing a conscientious role in these habits.

4. HEALTH

I break these into three categories; each one is equally important. Find ways and intentional time to connect with him in his health in each one of these areas: Physical, Mental, and Spiritual. A simple example for each might be to go on a walk together three times per week (physical), read a book together (mental), and pray with him each night before bed (spiritual).

5. WORK

There is something about men working shoulder to shoulder that creates the greatest bond. You know this to be true with your own guy friends. It is the same with a father and son. Take every opportunity that you have around the home to include him in work projects. Teach him to mow the yard, change air filters in the house, check the tire pressure on mom’s car, or depending on his age and the level of projects you have on your property, teach him more skilled tasks than these. I used to own a construction business, so my boys know how to operate equipment and tackle larger projects. I grew up on a ranch and there was no shortage of opportunities to work shoulder to shoulder with my dad and grandpa.

6. PLAY

I admit that I was not always great at this one. I usually stayed in WORK mode. I have learned over the years that this one is just as important as the other five. Just play with him. This may mean sitting on the floor and playing toys or games. Or it could mean taking a day to go to the lake or getting up early to head to the pond to fish. I live in a rural area but playing may mean something totally different for you and your son. Whatever it is, do it. It could even be something as simple as allowing your young son to climb all over you while you sit in the bleachers at a high school football game.