A little over a decade ago, I was sitting in my office wrapping up what I felt was a week from hell. It was late Friday afternoon and most of the students were on their way home for the weekend. I was an assistant high school principal, and my primary job was to handle all discipline. I loved the kids, even the ornery ones. I never really minded dealing with most of the discipline issues that came through my office. These were kids. Their brains were not fully developed, they made mistakes, and what an opportunity I was afforded to help mold these young minds in the right direction. The difficult part of the job usually involved dealing with parents whose brains were still not fully developed. Communicating with parents who defended their children from all responsibilities and consequences sucked the joy right out of the job. It never ceased to amaze me how far a parent could go to lie, cheat, and even threaten, all in the name of shielding their child from even a hint of discipline. Occasionally, I had to deal with major issues involving law enforcement. This particular week, I had worked alongside the local police department and the county sheriff’s office on separate student-related issues. It had been a week!
I remember sitting back in my chair and taking what seemed like my first breath that week. It was over! I had never looked so forward to a weekend. I relaxed my shoulders, which had been in the tense fight-mode position all week. As soon as I exhaled that breath, my office door opened, and a teacher popped in. He told me that a girl assaulted another girl and then fled campus. He witnessed the whole thing. Unbelievable! I got up, went outside, and made sure the girl was not hanging around. Both girls were gone. I sat down, picked up the phone, and called the girl’s mother. I needed to let her know what happened and that her daughter would be suspended. As I shared with the mother what happened, she interrupted me with yelling. I could not make out what she was saying except the last three words she spoke before she hung up on me; “You Mother F-!”
“Is this for real?” I thought. “Did that just happen?” I sat there confused for about ten minutes. I finally stood up and walked into the bathroom. I splashed water on my face as if I was trying to wake myself up from a bad dream. I looked up into the mirror and immediately I heard a voice from inside saying, “You are being battle-tested.” If you are a Christian, then you most likely understand this voice. If you are not, the best way I can describe it is hearing someone speaking in your head that has nothing to do with your own thoughts. The voice is clear and right to the point. There have been a few very pivotal times in my life that I have heard that distinct voice. I had never in my life heard the term, “battle-tested.” I remember typing it in a google search later just to see if it was an actual word. Little did I know what all my battle-testing would entail and how many years it would take to all come together. Side note: That next week I drove through McDonalds’s to grab my sons some Happy Meals. When I pulled up to the second window, I locked eyes with the young lady that I suspended. She took off running to the back. It took an unusually long time before someone handed me my “fast” food. When I finally did receive it, I had already imagined all the scenarios that my boys’ food was going through in the back of the kitchen. I pulled up to the trash can a few feet from the window and tossed the food away.
That weekend, I opened my Bible and began reading about a man named Nehemiah. I read through the entire book and began to understand what “battle-tested” meant. Nehemiah led through a difficult time. He was inspired by a mission to protect his people. He was successful yet was tested with opposition the entire process. He was challenged, ridiculed, and even threatened as he stayed true to the purpose. Several weeks ago, I wrote about how you should be proud to be a burnt stone.
“When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed. He ridiculed the Jews, and in the presence of his associates and the army of Samaria, he said, ‘What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day? Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble – burned as they are?’” Nehemiah 4:1-2 NIV
Sanballat was ridiculing the fact that they were working with burnt stones. These stones had been through fire. They had seen destruction. They had been through war. Nehemiah knew this but he had a different perspective. He saw these burnt stones as “battle-tested.” He knew these stones were primed and ready to withstand future attacks. They were the perfect building blocks to restore the wall. These stones had proven their worth, value, and endurance. They could withstand hard things because they had been through hard things. This is what Nehemiah saw. He recognized this because these stones described his people. The people that came back to Jerusalem from exile had been through hard things. These people, just like the wall, were rebuilding themselves. They were burnt stones. I believe Nehemiah recognized this.
Are you a burnt stone? Have you been battle-tested? If so, then be grateful for that. You have been through hard things. You made it through. You may need to change your perspective because you are not a victim, rather a victor. Everyone will go through hard things. Some flee from hard things even though it will eventually catch up with them. Others take hard things head on, even choosing that path at times. Maybe you are a young man reading this, or maybe you are a father of young boys. Either way, choose hard things. It is time to be battle-tested. When you reflect on your life, do you see a lifestyle of running from hard things? Do you want this same pattern for your son? If you do not want your son to run from hard things, then it is time for you to stop running from them. You cannot teach your son something that is not first a part of who you are.
I am grateful for hard things. That moment looking in the mirror I discussed earlier was only the beginning of many years of being battle-tested. I had no clue what was about to happen. I’m not even sure that period is over yet, but still, I am grateful. There have been moments that greatly challenged my family, my marriage, our health, and even our lives. In this battle-testing period, my wife has made it through cancer and she and our youngest son miraculously survived a tornado that destroyed our home. Sometimes when we look back at the many hard things that we overcame, these two instances of literal survival are not even at the forefront of our minds. There are moments that we have to put everything in perspective, remember, and be grateful that our family of five is still alive and well. It is in these moments that we realize all the other hard things that were consistently consuming us were not so important.
People regularly comment on the genuineness and resiliency of my boys. This is because they have been through hard things. This has made them strong. I do not worry about what kind of husbands and fathers they will be. I am grateful that they have watched their mom and me work through a very difficult season and seen us overcome. They not only watched but had to participate themselves. This is part of becoming men. My sons are learning what it means to be a man now, not when they are 35 and they experience something hard for the first time. Unfortunately, I have seen this too often with men and I am sure you have as well. The first time they get burned they lay down in the heap of rubble. Begin now to teach your son the value in being battle-tested. When the fires of life come, they will realize the dignity and value in rising out of the ashes as a burnt stone. They will be proud of their scars and use them to launch themselves and the families they lead into an overcoming mindset and lifestyle.
Men, be a Man Among Boys, be battle-tested, be grateful to be a burnt stone, and teach your sons the same.
