My grandpa was born with the heart of a true cowboy. He was a rancher, a horseman, a cattleman, and a lover of all things Old West. When he arrived in heaven years ago, I am positive the first thing he said to God was, “You know, you sent me to earth in the wrong era.” I grew up helping my grandpa on his ranch and understood why he appreciated God’s creation so much. He loved to look out over his pasture and see his horses grazing or chasing each other. I believed he loved their free spirit, and he did everything he could to give them the space to do what they were created to do.

When I was a teenager, he took me to see a man named Monty Roberts. Monty is a famous horse trainer who uses techniques that oppose the typical methods. A horse is either broke or unbroke. Broke means that a horse can be ridden by a person. It is trained to be saddled and then safely carry a rider on its back. Unbroke just means that it has not been trained in this way. The word “broke” refers to the breaking of the horse’s spirit. Once its spirit is broke, then it will submit to the will of its master. Mr. Roberts uses a different method. Instead of breaking the horse’s will, he gains the horse’s trust through nonviolent methods. Thus, the horse’s spirit is still intact.

I still remember watching Mr. Roberts that day as he took a completely unbroke horse, and in the short amount of time that we sat there, he was able to put a saddle on the horse’s back and calmly ride it around the arena. It was amazing! Instead of breaking it, he built a relationship with the horse through connection. I think you see where I am going here.

The other day, my wife shared with me that she described me to some of her peers in this way, “My husband is a wild stallion. You cannot tame him.” When she told me this, I perked up, “Wow! Thanks Babe. I love that. Wild Stallion? Yeah, I like that a lot.” I did love hearing that she thought of me in that way because she and I both know what she means. She could have also said it this way, “You cannot BREAK him” or even, “I would never want to BREAK/TAME him.” The truth is, as tough as any of us like to think of ourselves, there are most likely ways or methods that over time would eventually reduce us or hinder us from fulfilling our true created purpose. Therefore, what my wife’s heart was truly saying is, “I do not want my wild stallion to be tamed.”

Being the overthinker that I am (blessing and curse) I began to think about what my wife said about me and then relating that to our sons and your sons. I cannot think of a greater way to describe young boys than wild stallions. They all begin wild, energetic, and mischief (or as I call it, creative). They are free spirits that can be difficult to contain in a given space. Some of these boys make it to manhood as stallions, but many do not. They have been corralled. They have been wrangled. They have been broke.

Being a wild stallion as a man does not mean that you are harmful or destructive. It just means that your spirit is intact. You have grown to know who you are and what you are created to do. You are dangerous. But dangerous in a good way. You are willing to take the risks, the heat, the fall, if need be, for the good of others. You are passionate about purpose. Four walls cannot contain your creative pursuits, whatever they may be. I am talking about some men, but I believe that I have just described every young boy.

Your son was created to be a stallion. Do not break him. Rather, connect with him through relationship. Sharpen his gifts, his character, his aggression, his energy, and his creativity. There are so many great and needed qualities of a stallion. When you break him, those qualities are gone. When you connect with him, those qualities are intact and through proper relationship, guidance, and space, those powerful characteristics are now used as tools for the greater good of mankind.

Think of yourself as the horse trainer. Which method are you using? Are you breaking your son, removing his spirit, demanding his will and submission, thus eliminating who he uniquely is? Or, like Mr. Roberts and his horses, are you intentionally connecting with your son, putting in the necessary and sometimes hard work, and harnessing his energy rather than eliminating his spirit? If it makes you feel better, I have been guilty of the former. None of us are perfect parents, including me. I am on the same journey as you. I am just inviting you alongside mine. Let’s all do better for our sons. Let’s not be lazy. Let’s not take the easy road. Instead, lets give this world a great generation of young men, stallions, to lead us.

I now know why my grandpa spent so much time learning and connecting with his horses. He would sit on his front porch in the mornings drinking coffee while watching them. His seat at the dinner table faced huge windows where he could eat while seeing his horses gallop across the front pasture. His creative time, his defrag time, and I’m sure his prayer time was all spent down at the barn with these animals. I believe he fully understood the longed for the same spirit that these beasts contained. He, like me and you men reading this, longed to be a wild stallion.